


Lights They Blind Me

by Lilsciencequeen



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hollywood, Drama, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hollywood, Miscommunication, Some angst, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-02-24 05:35:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 29,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13207053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilsciencequeen/pseuds/Lilsciencequeen
Summary: Jemma Simmons just wants to get through her final season ofThe Fourth Dimensionwith nothing major happening; no crazed fans, no law suits and definitely no repeats of the past.But when new actress, Aida, joins the cast, an Australian making a name for herself, Jemma finds it harder and harder to get the peaceful season that she so craves and with her feelings for Fitz becoming more and more apparent, will she finally get the happy ending that she desires or will an on-screen rivalry that bleeds into real-life be the curtain call for Jemma Anne Simmons.//A FitzSimmons Hollywood AU





	1. Welcome To The Life Of Electra Heart

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this idea in my head and I've finally got this first chapter posted. Every chapter is going to be a reference to each song on the Electra Heart album by Marina and the Diamonds. I really hope you enjoyed this first chapter and a massive shout out to stjarna for helping me with some of the plot points.

She awoke to Pesto licking at her face, tiny kisses that brought her back to the world of the waking. Jemma smiled, staring at the dog that was lying on her.

“Hi,” she whispered, reaching forward with one hand, scratching at the dog’s ear, something that she seemed to enjoy. “Someone’s excited. Are you looking forward to going back to set?”

Pesto wagged her tail, the soft furry thing flying back and forth at the sound of her owner’s voice, something that Jemam couldn’t help but laugh at. The start of filming was always something Pesto enjoyed, heck, she just enjoyed being on set in general. Everyone loved (and spoiled) her, Daisy in particular, the other woman claiming that she was honorary aunt to the dog.

Then a sudden sadness hit Jemma as she realised that today would be the last time she would attend the party to celebrate the start of filming, something that they always did on the first day back. That this would be the last year she would do press releases, the last year she would do promotional pictures, conventions with the rest of the cast and crew.

It was these moments here she would miss the most, these moments that almost made her regret her decision to leave the show after this season.

But then she thought of everything else that had influenced her decision, helped her to make her choice to leave, and as hard as it had been, she knew that it was for the best, that it was what she wanted to do. She didn’t want to leave, she had been with the show since the beginning, she had helped it to get off the ground, and had helped to campaign when they threatened to cancel it after the second season. She had been there through the good, and she had been there through the bad.

And now she was leaving. She knew that she still had a year left for filming nearly, and everyone said that they would keep in contact, she it wasn’t like she would lose the friends she had made over the past seven years, but she wouldn’t be there for the final two seasons, the two where the fans were expecting something big.

They had been somewhat angry when Jemma had announced a month back that she was leaving after this season. She was one of the fan favourites, if not _the_ favourite. She was always in the trending topics on Twitter and Tumblr whenever a new episode aired, whenever any news about her was released, heck, even a picture could send the fanbase into a frenzy.

And that wasn’t even considering the shipping that came about due to her character. The character they shipped with Fitz’s. They weren’t even a couple yet in the show but that didn’t stop the fanbase. They were always on the lists of couples who deserved better, the most romantic couples, couples who aren’t yet couples but should be couples and whatever other articles Buzzfeed could come up with.

Fitz… her mind couldn’t help but wonder to him. He had become her best friend over the past seven years, the two of them were inseparable and there were some who shipped them in real life, something that they always denied. It was true. They weren’t a couple, but that didn’t mean she didn’t have feelings for him.

They had crept in slowly over time, easy to ignore at first but now, now it was next to impossible. She tried to push them down, to remove them from her mind, but they had made their home there and there was no evicting them now.

She heaved a sigh, trying to focus her attention on Pesto once more, who now had her head cocked and was staring at Jemma, as if wondering what was wrong.

Or maybe wondering where her breakfast was.

Jemma tried to sit up, and Pesto jumped off her, sitting on the bed next to her, tail beating against the mattress as Jemma smiled at her. “C’mon, let’s get breakfast.”

***

She arrived at set, her car pulling up just outside the gates after eight in the morning. She had spent the entire journey over, not that it was long, just over half an hour, checking her messages and social media. She didn’t have many messages, just a couple from set saying where she had to be and when (not that she needed the reminders, she had memorised the schedule when Coulson had emailed it to her the week previous), one from her father checking up on her, one from Hunter warning her that the paparazzi were waiting at the gates and one from Fitz, asking if she wanted to meet up before the read through this morning.

The social media sites had been crazy. Everyone knew they were back to filming today, and rumours were starting to fly left and right. There was talk of a new actress being announced. The villain of the season. Of course, it was true, nothing had been confirmed yet officially, and even Jemma didn’t know who it was. She was to find out this afternoon to, maybe even this morning if she were lucky but she had heard that the actress was somewhat unknown, but was rising to fame quickly.

It was both nerve wrecking and exciting at the same time.

What was just nerve wrecking, however, was getting through the crowds outside the gates to actually make it to set. Thankfully Hunter was waiting for her, pushing past them to get to her, grabbing her bag as she carried Pesto.

Once the cleared the crowds, she turned to him, smiling. “Thank you.”

He shrugged. “S’okay. Don’t think allowing the star of the show to be killed getting to set would keep me in a job.”

Jemma rolled her eyes, setting Pesto down once it was safe who bounced around her feet, couldn’t help but feel a warmth inside her at Hunter’s words. He had worked security for her for several years now, and had grown to be somewhat of a big brother to her. “Has it been like that for everyone?”

He nodded, his expression somewhat grim. “You missed it with Daisy. They nearly tore a chunk of her hair out.”

Jemma winced, feeling Daisy’s pain. She had suffered like that before, had had both fans and the press get physical with her and it was something that she would wish upon no one. “Is she okay?”

A snort from Hunter. “We had to restrain her from punching the bloke. Last thing we need is another law suit.”

He was right, they had spent so much money on the last one that another law suit was definitely something they did _not_ want again. “At least she’s okay…. Daisy!” She trailed of before getting excited again as she saw her friend from across the lot. The other women came running to her, pulling her in close and hugging her.

“I’ve missed you,” Daisy told her, holding her close and Jemma laughed, trying to get into a somewhat more comfortable position. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“You saw me on Tuesday!” Jemma tried to say, but Daisy just continued her whole dramatic speech. “Daisy!”

“What?” she eventually asked, pulling back and staring at her. “I though you would have remembered that speech from episode five of last season. Buzzfeed rated it as the second best of the season.”

Jemma rolled her eyes. “I’ve missed you too then.”

Daisy looked as if she were about to say something, and then she got distracted by Pesto bouncing up on her leg, begging for attention. She bent down, cooing, and rubbing at her stomach. Jemma just rolled her eyes. She knew that it was her fault that Pesto was this spoilt but still, it was ridiculous sometimes. Daisy looked up from where she was crouched. “We find out who _she_ is today?”

“I know,” Jemma replied, staring down at the two of them. “Do you know anymore?”

“She’s supposed to be going to catering in about twenty minutes if you want to catch her…”

Jemma turned to Hunter. Then she turned back to Jemma. “I need to check in with Coulson…”

“I’ll do it,” Hunter interrupted her, passing her her bag back. “Don’t worry. I need to speak with him anyone. Go find out who she is… And Jemma?”

“Yeah?”

“I’ve to be the first to know.”

***

It had been over twenty minutes later, and there was still no sign of her, and everyone in the dinning hall was starting to get somewhat annoyed at this point. They just wanted to see who she was, and anticipation was heavy in the air.

Jemma and Daisy had joined Fitz at one of the tables in the corner and the three of them were making light conversation when the room suddenly went silent and all heads shot to the door. There was a figure standing in the entry way and Jemma immediately knew who it was before the whispers had even started.

Aida Radcliffe, who preferred to go by Aida more than anything else. She was a rising star from Australia, whose last three films had made big box office bucks in America and Europe, and most of the rest of the world. She was in high demand and she was here.

Everyone couldn’t help but whisper as she made her way into the room, all heads following her. She seemed to strut across the room with such purpose, as if she owned the very thing.

“That’s…” Fitz whispered as she got closer to them.

“Yeah,” Daisy replied, just as speechless as he was as Aida continued to cross the room, heading towards them.

A wide smile was on her face, and she pulled the empty seat out, taking it. She then extended one hand. “I’m Aida.”


	2. I Wanna Be Adored

It was Fitz who took her hand first, shaking it back, and introducing himself and the other two, not that there was really a need. Aida knew who they were. She may not have been part of the cult following that _The Fourth Dimension_ had, but she knew who they were well enough.

“So,” Daisy said, leaning back and smiling at her. “You’re playing Ophelia, she’s slightly different from anything else you’ve done before.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Aida tried to keep the bitterness, the hurt out of her tone. Had Daisy just implied that she was unable to act? That she wasn’t suitable for the role? Because she was more than capable of doing this performance. She had impressed the team, they had said that she had delivered one of the best performances that they had ever seen.

Daisy frowned. “I just mean, Ophelia, she’s nothing like Agnes, or anything. You’ve never played a villain. I was just commenting on that.”

_Oh_. So it hadn’t been something bad, she hadn’t been attacking her acting skills. Aida remained silence, her gaze lingering on Daisy for a second longer, before flicking to Jemma and Fitz, the two of them gazing at each other, an unspoken conversation happening between the two of them. “Oh, I have a few ideas, I’ll just have to see what works best with everyone else.”

“You’ve a lot to live up to,” Daisy continued, not really knowing if she should stop or not. “Hive last year was voted as one of the best villains on the air. The fans do have some high expectations.”

Aida bit her tongue. She knew that sometimes, Daisy didn’t have a filter, that she just spoke what was on her mind, but this here, it was taking it to far. She knew what the acting world was like, and she knew what expectations that the fans had for the show. It was one of the biggest shows, if not _the_ biggest show on television at the moment, and to imply that she had no idea about it, well it was quite insulting frankly. “Yes,” Aida settled on in the end, putting happiness and enthusiasm in her voice once again, allowing herself to smile. “Grant’s performance really was something, wasn’t it?”

But no one was able to speak, to continue the conversation Jemma’s phone buzzed. She reached into her pocket and pulled it out. She immediately stood up and called for Pesto.

“Jemma?” Fitz asked, “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” she reassured him, reaching down for the small mutt and lifting her into her arms. “It’s just Bobbi. The blazer came in a size too big and we need to tailor it before…”

“Sure,” Daisy said, smiling up at her. “We’ll see you on set later then, yeah?”

Jemma nodded, and with Pesto in her arms, she hurried out of the room, and towards the costume department.

***

Thankfully, the costume wasn’t as large as Bobbi had made it out to be, and it didn’t take much to adjust it to Jemma, and if she was going to be honest, it was better than last year’s costume, what she had wore for the first half of the season anyway.

No robes or tunics.

No gold paint.

Of course, the fans had loved the reveal, some had even made some pretty amazing cosplays based on her character, but it had been so annoying not being able to take any pictures on set last year, having to avoid all of Daisy’s Instagram stories. The reveal hadn’t been until the end of the second episode last year, but she had been in costume for weeks, and it had caused some of the fans to freak out when they hadn’t seen her on set.

They thought she had left the show.

That her character was being killed off with no one knowing.

But she hadn’t.

She had just been keeping what had become of her character a secret.

And everyone had loved it.

The fifth episode, it was one of her best performances many people had thought (including Buzzfeed, and their endless love for their listicles).

But that outfit wasn’t something she was wearing this year. No, what she was wearing was something similar to what her character had worn in the first three seasons, something that was similar to what had defined her character in those early years of the show. She was looking forward to wearing it, it had ben years since she had worn a simple pair of jeans and a blazer for the show, and she knew the fans were looking forward to seeing something like it again.

“There,” Bobbi had said once she had finished, standing back and allowing Jemma to look at herself in the mirror. “How’d you feel?”

Jemma had smiled, looking herself up and down. “I love it.”

“Now the issue is keeping all those little dog hairs of the outfit.” An eyebrow had been raised by Bobbi and Jemma had dropped her gaze to Pesto, who was sitting in the corner chewing on an old shoe.

“At least it won’t show up?” Jemma had offered, and to that, Bobbi had just laughed, telling Jemma she better get back to set, that she had been in costume longer than she was meant to at this point.

And there Jemma was now, waiting on the cameras to be set up so she and Aida could go through their first scene together. She was somewhat nervous, she always was before she did a shoot. But never like this.

Most of her scenes, they were with the cast she had grown to know and love over the past seven years, and even the guests stars she got on with but there was something about Aida, just something about her that made Jemma feel uncomfortable and she just couldn’t place her finger on it.

Fitz and Daisy were making soft conversation to the side of her, but Jemma wasn’t paying much attention to it, she was too focused on Aida standing across the room who was talking to Coulson, and then, they were up, the two of them taking to the camera.

Jemma’s dialogue came easy to her, all she was doing was making was making small talk to one of the extras who played a lab tech, and there were no stunts, at least not in this scene.

Then Aida came in and things really kicked up a gear, the two of them getting into an argument that ended in Aida’s character, Ophelia, forcing her against the wall and threatening to kill everyone she loved to hurt her, as revenge for what had happened way back in season four, when a mission gone wrong has resulted in the death of Ophelia’s family.

And then that was that, the first take of that scene was gone, with Ophelia leaving, vanishing into thin air, the reverse of how she had entered the scene, leaving Jemma’s character still against the wall, somewhat shaken.

Coulson came onto the set once the cameras had stopped rolling and beckoned the two women closer to him. He had a smile on his face, and the first thing that he did was praise the both of them, saying that for a first scene together, they had done extremely well but Jemma had shaken her head.

“I didn’t think it was good enough,” she admitted, knowing that Coulson would be honest with her. That he would tell her where he thought that she could improve, because all she wanted when she was acting was to give the best performance she could give, she had dedicated over twenty years to the job, and now that this was her last year, she wanted to give something that her fans would really remember.

Coulson nodded, turning his attention to more than her. “How about we give it another shot, it’s still early days. It’s still the first day and we’ve time to improve it, and we can use the one that you both feel works best. “

Jemma nodded. “I just… there wasn’t much to go on at the end, directions wise.”

“What works for you, you go with that Jemma. If you think more tears works, then go for more tears. You know this character better then me, I think” He offered her a smile, and she nodded. As the years went by, she and Fitz and Daisy had all gotten to give a bigger input in what happened to their characters, in how the acted certain scenes, and having worked on shows and films where she had none of that freedom, Jemma more than enjoyed it. It allowed her to make her character something more, someone that the fans could connect to and respect, not someone they could just love.

“Right, one more go and we’ll work from there?” Coulson suggested, the question more directed to Aida than Jemma, the woman had remained silence during this conversation. Something that Jemma found odd. She didn’t know if Aida was happy or not with the scene? Was she happy with her performance or not? Did she like _Jemma’s_ performance?

The two of them ended up standing beside each other as the set was once again prepared for the two of them to shoot and once Jemma was about to walk one, she felt a hand wrap around her wrist and she turned, seeing Aida standing there, a fake smile plastered on her face.

“Jemma,” she began, a bitter sweetness to her voice. “If you aren’t happy with this, with how you’re acting, you can tell me. We can go over our scenes together. I can help you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And my laptop only crashed once during the writing of this chapter (I wish I was joking)
> 
> Thank you so much for your support on the first chapter, I'm so glad you're excited for this!


	3. You're Never Gonna Love Me (So What's The Use?)

Her hand was resting on the back of his neck and she felt his arms wrap around her own waist, pulling her in closer as he deepened the kiss. She didn’t want this moment to end, she never wanted this moment to end, because it was just the two of them, together. As they always had been.

When he pulled away, resting his forehead against hers and caressing her cheek, she couldn’t help but show her visible upset at this.

“I love you,” he whispered to her, telling her the three words that had remained so silent for so long now and it took her only a moment before she whispered them back and before she could dip her head in for another kiss there was a shout of “Cut!” and Fitz pulled away, an uncertain look on his face.

“You okay?” he asked her, reaching up and rubbing somewhat nervously at the back his neck.

Jemma blinked, unsure of what to say for a moment. She had just kissed Fitz for the first time. Of course, it was just for a scene, their characters had just admitted they liked each other after multiple seasons and many many many instances of them being separated. Of course, the fans had shipped them since day one, even coming up with a ship name (Greenewood, a combination of both their names; Ruby Greene and Theo Wood) but they weren’t yet aware that this would be happening to them this season, that this would be the season that they finally got together. It would be in the second episode as well, and Jemma couldn’t help but wonder already what the reaction would be like.  

“Jemma?” he asked again, and this time she nodded, knowing that she had to answer.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine I just… did I go too far… I don’t…”

Fitz shook his head laughing. “No, no you didn’t. Don’t worry about it.” He sighed, taking a step back so that he wasn’t as close to her anymore. “Are you okay?”

She nodded. The two of them had known each other ever since they had started working on _The Fourth Dimension_ together and they had instantly connected, becoming inseparable. But there was never anything romantic between the two of them, they were just two good friends.

Of course, the media, and some of the fans, did get carried away occasionally. The other year had been a well-known incident, one of the reporter following Jemma around non-stop, constantly wanting to know why she wasn’t with Fitz, and why she was starting a relationship with another co-star, Will Daniels, instead.

The man had followed her everywhere, never leaving her alone. He had been banned from the set and Jemma was in the middle of getting a restraining order when Daisy had punched him. Of course, he had tried to reach out and grab Jemma and Daisy had just acted without thinking, wanting nothing more than to help her but that had just opened a whole new can of worms.

He had tried to take them to court and the story had made headlines all over the world for weeks, but thankfully, the hearing had been ruled in their favour in the end. They had said that it was in self-defence that Daisy had acted, that they thought the man had been a threat to Jemma’s safety and security, and in the end, he had served just under six months in prison, was fired from his job and wasn’t allowed within fifty miles of any of the cast or crew.

But that first kiss with Fitz, feeling his lips dance over hers… it hadn’t felt like any other kiss she had had before. It was soft and tender, a gentleness there that she had never experienced. It was also the first kiss to send her heart fluttering, to cause her stomach to twist. She had had relationships before, and she had been in love with them, but what she experienced with this kiss, it was like nothing else. None of her past relationships.

She tried to push the idea from her mind, dwelling on it. It wouldn’t do any good. Fitz could never like her as anything more than a friend, like how she liked him. He was her best friend, and she was just lucky that she had him. She wasn’t going to get greedy.

She didn’t even really hear Coulson telling her the action plan for after lunch, she didn’t hear him dismiss them for their lunch. She just felt herself walking, following Fitz and Daisy as they got into yet another argument about the logistics of the spacecrafts in _Star Wars_ but one thing she did notice was the bitter look that Aida shot her, a look of pure venom.

She tried to walk over to Aida, to talk to her. She hadn’t really had a proper conversation with the woman in the past fortnight, ever since Aida had told her she could help her with her scenes. The way that she had said it, had phrased it, it had hurt Jemma (not that she had told Aida this) but… Jemma was also worried that she had misinterpreted the words, that she had taken them the wrong way. It wouldn’t be the first time that something like that had happened and she just wanted to know that she and Aida were okay, that there were no hard feelings between the two of them.

But she never got to, as Aida walked away from her, and never went to lunch.

***

“Fuck,” Hunter cursed as yet another car pulled in front of them, delaying their journey once again. “Fuck fuck fuck.”

“Are you okay?” Jemma asked from her spot in the passenger seat, looking at her security guard, one of her closet friends, and the man who was more a brother to her than anything else as he cursed once more.

He just shook his head in reply and slammed his fist against the horn, the sound blaring out around them. “I just…” he was lost for words. They had been stuck in the traffic for just over an hour now, and it seemed to be angering him. It never normally took this long to get home, but there had been an accident and all traffic was being diverted this way. “I just…”

“I can walk?” Jemma offered, knowing that Hunter would tell her that it was a stupid idea. That it would take her four hours to walk home and that she could get mobbed. Probably countless times.

As she expected, Hunter shook his head. “Nah, we’ll get home soon.”

And they did, just under an hour and a half later as the sun was beginning to set. Jemma was more than glad to get back to her apartment, to hang up her bag and allow Pesto to patter off and lie down. Not that she would. She would probably try and climb in anyway unless…

“Pesto!” Jemma cooed, and her ears perked at the sound of her owner’s voice. “Do you want dinner?”

Dinner. Pesto’s favourite word and something that she couldn’t deny. She pattered back across the room, towards the kitchen where Jemma was already starting to prepare her dinner, sitting down, her tail brushing furiously across the floor.

Jemma just laughed and set the bowl down, hoping that would distract her for long enough while she got a shower. She was only partly right, for Pesto came to the bathroom door as soon as she was done eating and sat outside it and cried until Jemma opened the door. When she did, Pesto started bouncing around her ankles, somewhat enthusiastically and began to lick at the water droplets, something that only made Jemma roll her eyes.

She was finally able to get dried and into her pyjamas, and once she was, she headed into the kitchen to make a cup of tea when she saw that her phone had a notification and when she checked to see what it was, she almost dropped her phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I super cruel ending it there? Yes, yes I probably am.
> 
> Thank you so much for checking this out, I really hope you enjoyed it! 
> 
> A shoutout has to go to stjarna for helping me with the names in this one!


	4. But We Cannot Escape The Past

She had to blink a number of times, reading the headline that was presenting itself to her on her phone. She couldn’t comprehend it, she couldn’t take it in. The words, they didn’t make sense, no matter how many times she read them, but she reached up, rubbing at her face, and finally she was able to take them in.

_NASA Astronaut Will Daniels announces engagement to long time girlfriend of two years_

She tried to read the rest of the article but couldn’t. The words were blurred and the images of Will with his arm wrapped around his girlfriend, no _fiancée_ , hurt her heart. Tears were already starting to cling to her lashes, make their way down her cheeks. It had been six months since she had last seen Will, since she had broken up with him. Because they had been a couple.  Because she had been with him, for nearly three years, but what she hadn’t know was that he had been cheating on her the while time, sleeping with someone else. For the nearly the entire relationship.

It had hurt when she had found out, when she had gone to Will’s apartment one day, to surprise him for their anniversary and found the two of them in bed together.

She had thought her and Will were going to be forever, thought that she was going to marry him and have a family with him. But that hadn’t happened.

She had broken up with him on the spot, pulling her necklace off the necklace that she had given him and thrown it back at him. There had been a lot of shouting, a lot of screaming and Jemma had stormed out, only making it to the staircase before she had phoned Fitz…

Fitz, he had been with her in the days that followed the breakup, had stayed with her as she had cried and cried and cried. Had made her food, ensured that she ate when she wanted nothing more than to lie curled up in bed and cry, had tidied her apartment, had answered the door when Will had come around, wanting to talk to Jemma, sending him away and telling him that he didn’t deserve Jemma, not after what he had done.

He had done so much for her in those days, and it really made her wonder what she had done to deserve him. She had been in bed for two weeks, during a break in filming, and hadn’t wanted to move, to do everything.

Her world had come tumbling down that day. She had wanted a future with him, a life with him, a _family_ with him, and now all of that was gone. Of course, she wasn’t someone to let herself be defined by a relationship, by who she was with, but she had loved him and to have her heart broken like it was… it had hurt.

Daisy had also come round, and it was with the two of them that she had learnt to cope with what had happened to her, had learnt that Will didn’t deserve her. That she deserved someone so much better than him, someone who would treat her the way she deserved to be treated. The three of them had ordered in junk food, and curled up with Jemma in her bed and watched old re-runs of _Doctor Who_.

It had taken time, but she was now happy in her life. She was surrounded with friends, family, people who loved her. She had gotten over Will but seeing this was still like a punch to the gut.

It was only then that Jemma realised that her phone screen had changed, that it was no longer showing the article announcing Will’s engagement, in fact it was showing that someone was calling her.

Her father.

She paused for only half a second before answering it, lifting the phone to her ear. “Hello?”

_“Jemma, are you okay?”_

She hesitated for a moment before replying. “I don’t know.”

_“That’s okay,”_ her father reassured, his tone comforting. _“That’s okay pumpkin. It’s a lot to process, and if you’re hurting, that’s okay. Jemma, this is all natural.”_

She sighed, letting out a long breath. “I suppose. I just…”

_“Jemma,”_ he cut in. _“I know you may be close to thirty now, but deep down, you’re still my baby girl. I just… I want you to be happy. I want you to… you know I’m always here for you Jemma, you know that?”_

“I do.” Her voice was nothing more than a broken whisper.

_“Jemma, is there anything that you want to tell me?”_

He could pick up that she was hiding something from him, even down the line, even when he was halfway around the world. He could pick up that she was hurting, and she was conflicted. She wanted to tell him about everything, about the kiss and what had happened and what she was now feeling. But she also didn’t. Her contract prevented her from passing on this sort of information, from revealing what was going to happen in the show, and besides, she was still working through her feelings, trying to work out just what she was feeling so she didn’t know exactly what she could tell her father but she knew that he would want to hear something. “I think I like Fitz,” she settled on eventually. The words that escaped her were heavy, distant sounding as if it wasn’t her who was speaking them.

A laugh. _“I think that I knew that sweetheart.”_

“No,” she protested, shaking her head. “I think I _like_ him.”

A beat. A pause. _“Ahhh.”_

“I don’t know what to do.”

_“What about telling him?”_

“I can’t do that.”

_“Why not?”_

“I can’t… what if I ruin everything? He’s one of my best friends, I don’t… I don’t want to lose him dad.”

_“You won’t, Fitz loves you Jemma, you know he does. And if he doesn’t share the feelings that you have for him…”_

“I know, he’s not obliged to share my feelings, and I won’t hate him, or think of him any less if he doesn’t like me back I just…” She sighed, her breath shaking as she threatened to cry once more. “I don’t know what to do Dad. I don’t want to lose him.”

“ _Tell him sweetie, you can take it, he can take it. And you never know what might happen.”_

Jemma didn’t reply for a moment, taking in his words but she just… she couldn’t admit her feelings to him. But there was a knock on her door, a gentle familiar knocking that she knew so well. _Fitz_.

Her dad must have heard it from the other end of the line as he asked “ _Fitz?”_

“Yeah, yeah it is,” she told him, unable to help the smile across her face. Sure her mind may be racing and she might be confused and upset but Fitz was here. Of course he would be here. “Can I… can I phone you back?”

_“Of course_ , _”_ he told her.

“Tell mum I was asking her.”

_“I will do, I’ll see you soon sweetie.”_

“Of course, bye dad. I love you.” And she hung up, sliding the phone onto the counter and walking towards the door, her arms crossed her chest.

Upon opening the door, she found Fitz standing there a takeaway bag in his hand and a small sad smile on his face. “I thought that you could use this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so sorry! I know that I promise this over a week ago but nothing was flowing right and I just didn't like anything I wrote so I ended up spending longer drafting it than I planned but here it is. I really hope that you enjoy this one! Thanks for all the support on it!


	5. I'll Never Tell You How I Feel

She stared at him for a number of a moments, at the bag that was in his hand, the smell of Indian slowly filling her apartment. Pesto had come to join her, rubbing herself against Fitz’s ankles, her tail wagging back and forth. “You didn’t…”

“I wanted to. Can I come in?”

She nodded, stepping aside so that he could come in before closing the door behind him and locking it, the latch sliding across with a click. She then spun, following him as he pottered about her kitchen, pulling open cupboard and grabbing what he needed from it. Jemma just spent a few moments watching him, he knew where everything was, he wouldn’t need any help finding anything or getting anything ready. He spent enough time here to know where everything was.

“Film or show?” he asked as she finally forced herself to move, taking the dish that he was offering her, following him into the living room.

She shrugged before realising that he wouldn’t be able to see her. “I don’t mind. I think Netflix has that new documentary…”

“The crime one?” he asked, collapsing onto her sofa, reaching for the remote and she nodded. “Wanna watch it?”

“Do you mind?” She was hesitant to say yes for several reasons. For one, she knew that Fitz hated anything to do with crime, especially if dead bodies where involved, which this one was rumoured to have, and two, she wasn’t sure if she would be able to keep her feelings to herself if she spent a night with him. She knew that her father was encouraging her to speak what was on her mind, to tell how she truly felt but she couldn’t. She physically couldn’t. Her stomach churned at the very thought of it, making her feel ill.

He shook his head, beaming up at her as Pesto jumped up onto the sofa too, curling up in his lap. He gave her another smile as he scratched at the dog’s ears. “It’s… I’m here for you Jemma, whatever you want to do tonight.”

“I do. Want to watch it I mean.”

She took a few small steps over to the couch, sitting down next to him and bringing her legs up under her as he set up the documentary, the sounds of the opening credits soon filling the room as the show was introduced.

And surprisingly, she was able to concentrate, the words and the images, the very mystery that was unravelling on the television in front of them pushing all thoughts of Will from her mind. So when it ended nearly two and a half hours later, she was somewhat upset, even more so when Fitz asked if she wanted him to leave.

“Please don’t.” She hated how small her voice was, how pathetic she sounded. “I can’t… I don’t… I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

He reached over and grabbed her empty dish from beside her and setting it, along with his on the coffee table in front of them, before reaching and grabbing the throw blanket that hung over the back of the sofa, throwing it over the two of them.

Pesto had moved from his lap, and was now curled up, asleep at the other end, nothing more than a black ball of fuzz. Jemma’s eyes darted to her for a second before turning back to Fitz, her mind racing as she wondered what she had ever done to deserve a friend like this. He was being so kind, so lovely to her, and she just felt that so much of the time that she didn’t deserve it.

“Jems?” he asked, his voice somewhat unsure, somewhat anxious as he picked up on her low mood. “Are you okay?”

It was then that she couldn’t hold back the tears anymore, that they started to flow, making tracks down her face and dropping onto the soft blue of the blanket. “I don’t… I just… I should be over him Fitz. It’s been months, and here I am, crying over his engagement. We’re not even together anymore. I shouldn’t be crying over this.”

“It’s okay to be upset,” he began to tell her, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her in close, her head eventually coming to rest on his chest. She felt his lips press a kiss to her temple. “You’re allowed to feel like this Jemma, it’s natural.”

“I’m just so confused,” she tried but was overtaken with sobs, and until the subsided he just held her, murmuring gentle reassurances into her hair, telling her that no matter what, it was all going to be okay, that he was going to be here for her, no matter what.

It was nearly half an hour later that she felt ready to talk, ready to have a conversation, and she looked up. Tears still clung to her lashes, her eyes were red and puffy but she knew to Fitz that didn’t matter, that it would never matter. “Can we watch something else? Please? Something light hearted. Fun.”

His touch was soft and delicate as he wiped away one of her tears, and he nodded. “Of course, I know just the thing.” He reached for the remote again, once more logging into Netflix and immediately heading to the comedy section and selecting one of the sit-coms there. She never once removed her head from his chest though, instead she sank further and further into his embrace, enjoying the comfort and warmth that he provided, craving it more than anything else in the world.

Once the show was up and running, Fitz used Jemma’s tablet to turn off the lights, darkening the apartment. He always did that, saying that it was for optimum viewing, and once that there was done, he wrapped his arms around her, holding her even closer.

But this time, Jemma never took in anything in, her mind a million miles away but so close at the same time. She was thinking of Fitz, of a life with him and what that would be like. Would they remain in Hollywood? Become the star-studded couple that everyone thought they were?

Or would they run away? Far away from here and the flashes of cameras and the non-stop questions of the reporters? Would they go to Perthshire, one of the places Jemma was already considering moving to once her time on the show, settle down there and get married? Have a family? A happy ending? A life?

But she knew that she had no way of knowing that, not without asking Fitz first. And what would he say when she told him? Would he profess that he too was in love with her and had been for years? Or would he shake his head, saying that he loved her as a friend and nothing more? Would he laugh at her? Throw it back… no, she forced that thought from her mind. He was her best friend, and even if he didn’t like her they way that she liked him, he would never do anything to upset her.

With a million and one questions racing around in her mind, she tried to concentrate on the show, but found that she couldn’t, and that even staying awake was a fight that she was losing, so with the sound of Fitz’s heart beating in his chest beneath her and his embrace around her strong and comforting, she let sleep claim her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another shorter sadder one this time, but more drama begins in the next chapter... thanks so much for your support with this one, I'm so glad that you're enjoying this! All your support makes me so happy.


	6. My Life Is A Play

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know its been a while since I update this one and I'm so sorry! I'll try post again in this one this week. Just a little warning there are mentions of a panic attack towards the end of this one.

As the weeks passed, the thoughts of Will left her mind, she didn’t need to think of him, not anymore. She was much happier now than she had ever been with him. She hadn’t even looked at his message he had sent her after the engagement, when he had tried to reach out to her. She didn’t care about what he could possibly have to say, so she had just deleted the message, not even looking back on it once.

Instead, she focused on working her way through her scenes, learning her lines and making sure she was doing the best that she could. She wanted to give her fans the best, they deserved it after all, the show would never had made it as far as it had without the help and the support that they provided.

She also focused on pushing her feelings for Fitz far far out of her mind. She couldn’t continue dwelling on them. It wasn’t healthy, it wouldn’t be good for her, and she didn’t want to ruin the friendship that she had built and established with Fitz.

It just wasn’t worth the risk.

But despite not thinking about it consciously, it didn’t mean that she never thought about it unconsciously. She found herself dreaming of him and dreaming of him often.

In fact, she had just been in a middle of one with him, where the two of them were doing nothing more than raising a family together, when her alarm, blaring that she needed to get up, knocked her from it.

“Jemma,” she heard Daisy moan from the next bed. “It’s too early.”

Jemma opened her eyes, and rolled over, reaching for the thing, still buzzing and vibrating on the table between the two of them. It took her a moment, but finally, eventually she managed to turn it off, dropping the thing on her bed, and a movement out of the corner of her eye caught her attention. Pesto had removed herself from the end of the bed, and was climbing up to Jemma, wanting her morning ear scratch.

“Hiya,” Jemma cooed, not wanting to deny her dog what she loved most in her life. “Did you have a nice sleep?”

A snort from Daisy, who had rolled over in her bed and was now facing Jemma. “Jemma, I’ve seen her eat cat crap, I don’t really think she cares where she sleeps.”

Jemma feigned shock, using her hands to cover Pesto’s ears, and telling her not to listen to her mean aunt Daisy.

Daisy just snorted again and threw a pillow at Jemma. “We should probably get breakfast. Bobbi’s gonna be here soon, isn’t she?”

Jemma looked up, Pesto’s attention now more focused on chewing on Jemma’s pillow than anything else and nodded over at her friend. The two of them were sharing a room, having travelled down to the local comic convention. Not that it was that local anymore, it was one of the biggest in the world. And the cast of _The Fourth Dimension_ always went, Jemma had been going since the beginning of the show, and to think that this would be her last time there… it was heart breaking. She loved going, being able to interact with her fans, it was one of the things that she loved the most about her line of work.

The fans.

The people who had stood by her from Day One or Day One Thousand, it didn’t matter, they had stood by her, and they had continued to stand by her. And she had no idea what she would have done without them.

Daisy had climbed out of the bed at this point, and rubbed at her face as a yawn escaped her before she collapsed to the corner of the room that she had claimed as her own, her clothes and bags a messy pile, and began to rummage through them. She pulled out a bag, and spun, calling over to Jemma before throwing it over. Jemma somehow managed to catch it, a small bag of dog treats, before Daisy threw another one at her, a bag of sweets this time.

“This isn’t breakfast,” Jemma said, confused as Daisy once again climbed back into bed.

Daisy frowned at her. “What is it then?” She was opening a bag of crisps for herself, and already sticking her hand in, pulling out a handful.

“Not breakfast?”

Because to her, it wasn’t. She always had tea and toast, along with a side of fruit, something that was healthy, nutritious, that would fill her up for the rest of the day. Not this, just pure sugar. This wouldn’t sustain her.

And also dog biscuits, but she had already figured that those were for Pesto and was already feeding her one, the dog’s tongue licking at Jemma as she tried to get every last possible crumb before Jemma started scratching, almost absentmindedly, at her ears again.

Daisy rolled her eyes. “The biscuits are for Pesto, and Jemma, we’re on holiday. We can relax, have some fun. Some sweets won’t kill you.” A pause. “C’mon, this is your last time here. We need to have some fun.”

And Jemma knew she was right. This was her last year here, they should have some fun, make some memories to last them a lifetime and then some. She knew that she would still keep in touch with Daisy once she left, along with Fitz, Bobbi and some of the others, but they wouldn’t ever get to do anything like this again. So she was going to have some fun, she was going to make enough memories to last her a lifetime. “Like the churros incident?”

Daisy’s eyes flashed, a wicked gleam in them. “ _Exactly_ like the churros incident.”

And that, in the end, was all the motivation that was needed for Jemma to open the bag of sweets and begin eating them for her breakfast.

***

“Do you have any footage you can show us?” The girl who asked the question couldn’t have been older than eleven, and she seemed extremely nervous asking the question. She was in cosplay, one of Jemma’s outfits from last season, and she had blushed bright red when Jemma had complimented her on it.

Jemma looked at Coulson, not knowing what to do. They had had some footage filmed, but they always had to keep it under wraps, not wanting anything that shouldn’t get out yet getting out.

“How about,” Coulson began to reply, his lips curving up into a smile. “We show you the first part of the episode?”

A scream echoed through the hall, and even Jemma winced. They seemed more than keen to see the episode, their cries loud. So loud that she even missed what Fitz was whispering into her ear.

Coulson went through the usual protocol of what they could and could not do during the screening, about how no phones were permitted out, and then, the room went dark, the episode playing on the big screen about them.

They only showed the first twenty minutes or so, but everyone enjoyed it, applause and a standing ovation. Jemma felt her own cheeks blush a bright red at this point, and as the audience settled down (well settled down as much as they could after having seen the episode) and the floor was open to another ten minutes of questions.

Daisy and Fitz got a handful each, their answers carefully scripted, thoughtful, not wanting to give anything away.

Even Aida got a couple. She took them in her stride. She had done red carpets and interviews before, but nothing like this.

“It is hard,” she had said, speaking to the audience in such a relaxed tone you’d have thought she had been doing this for year, that she was a natural and right at home here. “Coming into a show during its seventh season, but the cast and crew…” she paused, looking up and down the table, smiling at everyone that was sitting there. “They’re lovely, I honestly don’t think that I have ever worked with such a wonderful team. They welcomed me with such open arms and have taught me so much.”

The answer, to Jemma at least, it was so fake. She hadn’t seen much of Aida on set, at least the other woman was never there when Jemma was eating or waiting on set. She always seemed keen to avoid Jemma if she could. The snide comment that she had made at the very beginning and the look of hatred that had been shot her way once she had kissed Fitz, they had been the only negative things that Aida had directed her way, and Jemma couldn’t help wonder had _she_ done something wrong, had she done something that had upset Aida in anyway?

But now wasn’t the time to think about it.

Aida had finished answering her question, and Coulson announced that they had time for one last one, so of course it was for her. Her final ever question at this, what would be her final ever time at her con here.

“Everyone loves Ruby,” the girl began, her voice confident and Jemma could have sworn that she recognised it, but her face was hidden under so much makeup that Jemma didn’t have any chance of recognising it from this far back. “How hard was it for you to decide to let her go?”

The question stumped Jemma. She had talked about her decision to leave, that her leaving was nothing against the show, but was a more personal choice more than anything else. She didn’t go to in-depth as to the reasons why; they were something personal to her, things she knew that the media would twist if they got out, so she had just said that she was leaving for personal reasons. No one knew that this would be the last thing that she was ever going to act in anything, that once she was finished with _The Fourth Dimension_ , she was finished with acting altogether. There was a time and place to explain this, and here and now wasn’t either of them.

“I’ve been with the show since the beginning,” Jemma began, her words slow and distant. “And Ruby is… Ruby is a part of me that I’m never going to be able to leave behind. I’ve shaped her over the years, made her the woman that we all know and love today and leaving that behind, leaving this behind…” Her words caught in her throat and she found herself unable to continue. The room in front of her seemed to narrow and she found it difficult to concentrate on the sea of faces in front of her.

She tried to find the words, she really did, but they had escaped her. She also discovered that breathing was somewhat difficult, that she couldn’t catch her breath and she was starting to panic, unable to hold onto oxygen.

So she shook her head and whispered a handful of words; “I’m sorry. I… I can’t…” before pushing back her chair and running from the stage, stumbling as she did so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, me and stjarna named Jemma's character Ruby in this one. But she had no connection to canon Ruby. Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment. I'm so glad you're enjoying this one!


	7. A Human Vulnerability (Doesn't Mean That I Am Weak)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just another mention of a panic attack in this one.

Jemma didn’t know where she was going, where she was running to, all she knew was that she had to get away from the stage, get away from everyone.

She didn’t look back, didn’t know if anyone was following her. She didn’t hear Hunter call after her, asking if she was okay. All she knew was running, slamming into the bathroom door as she tried to push it open, and collapsing against one of the walls in there, unable to get a breath in, tears streaking down her face, dragging mascara with them.

No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t seem to settle her breathing, her lungs burning from the lack of oxygen. Thoughts raced around her mind, about leaving the show, about life, about how this career sometimes felt like this was too much. She had been nervous about coming here, about the fans asking her about her decision, something that she had come to terms with, and something that some of her fans were still bitter about.

They just couldn’t come to terms with the fact that she was leaving the show, that she wasn’t going to be back for the final two seasons. She had seen the hate that there was online, how they were saying that she had betrayed the show and she didn’t love them.

It was all lies, she did. She really did love them from the bottom of her heart. She just couldn’t do this job. Not anymore. It was getting too much and she knew that not even a few years away again would help.

She needed to get out _completely_. She just had too.

She was too lost in her own mind that she never heard the door open, and someone come in and crouch down in front of her, and take her hands in their own.

“Jemma.” The voice was one that she knew but not well and through her haze of tears, Jemma could see that it was Elena, the new runner on the show. And the one who was starting a relationship, the one in charge of props and set design. “Jemma, breathe.”

“I… I can’t…” she shook her head, gasping. “I can’t.”

“You can,” Elena told her. “Follow me.” She took a deep breath in through her nose, and then let it out through the mouth, long and soothing.

It took several attempts for Jemma to be able to copy her, Elena guiding her through it as she did so, but finally, a number of minutes later, she was able to settle her breathing, to get it back to normal. Tears still made tracks and Elena reached into her pocket, pulling out a pack of tissues and passed it to Jemma.

“Thanks,” she said as she accepted them, pulling one out and beginning to rub at her makeup. “And thank you for this.” She gestured to herself. “I must look a right mess.”

Elena shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. Do you… do you want to talk about what happened.”

“Someone… they asked me about leaving and it just…”

“It got too much?”

Jemma nodded. “I couldn’t be in there, not anymore. The world, the world…”

“It felt like it was swimming?”

Another nod from Jemma as she scrunched up the tissue, blackened with makeup and damp with tears and dropped it on the ground beside her. “I just… I’m happy I’m leaving, as horrible as that sounds. I’ll miss everyone, but the fame, the life… I don’t think I’ll miss it at all. Is that bad?”

“No, it’s not. You’re not happy here, why stay somewhere you’re unhappy? You might love your friends and family here, but if you truly don’t want to be here, then you should be allowed to leave. Those who love you, they’ll understand.”

Jemma didn’t have a chance to reply as the door burst open once again, and she was able to catch it this time, and she saw Fitz come stumbling in, Daisy only a couple of footsteps behind him. “Jemma,” he breathed, sinking to the floor beside her. “Are you… are you okay?”

She lifted her shoulders into a shrug, before sinking into his arms, her head coming to rest on his shoulder. “I don’t know… it was all too much.”

He squeezed her waist and pulled her even closer to him. “We’re here for you, you know that?”

Daisy nodded her agreement, sitting down on the opposite side of Jemma, and curling up with them. “Yeah, whatever happened, whatever anyone says or asks, we’re here for you.”

She nodded, sinking into the both of them, enjoying the warmth their embraces brought. “What if…” she began to ask a number of moments resting there, Elena having stepped back, and whispering to Mack through the door, allowing them to enjoy their moment alone. “What if it’s like last time?”

There was a moment of pause as both Daisy and Fitz thought back to the last time. They hadn’t known Jemma back then, it had been before they had all started working together on _The Fourth Dimension_. In fact, _The Fourth Dimension_ was the first job she took after the time off she had taken following the last time. They did know what had happened, there were very few people who didn’t know what had happened, it had made headlines everywhere, and now she was scared it was going to be like that.

“It won’t be like last time,” Fitz told her, hoping that he could make it true.

“And if it is,” Daisy continued, squeezing her knee. “I’ll punch them in the face again.”

***

It was the Wednesday after the convention, and the media were still having a field day with Jemma’s panic attack, no one wanting to focus on anything else. And she was sick of it, it had been days at this point, surely they should have given up, but no, nothing had stopped yet.

“Look at this!” she cried, throwing down the magazine on the table, Daisy and Fitz looking up from their conversation. “Look!”

She pointed to the front cover, to the massive picture of her that was taken some point between her leaving the bathroom and making her way back to her hotel room. She hadn’t gone back to the panel afterwards, had skipped the signing and had put out a sincere apology on twitter that she wouldn’t be able to make it and that she would do something to compensate fans, especially those who had travelled there to meet her. Most had been understanding, but there was still some hate, though Daisy had just taken her phone from her, and blocked them, telling Jemma that the last thing that she needed was to see those messages. Within the photo, Daisy and Fitz were leading Jemma away, her eyes still red and her cheeks blotchy. She didn’t look the greatest in it, and someone had sold the image to some trashy magazine.

“Fuck,” Daisy whispered, reaching for it, and flicking the article, her eyes skimming through it, her face going from shock to horror to disgust. “Fuck,” she repeated, sliding it back to the centre of the table. “Who would do something like this?”

Jemma shrugged. “I don’t know.” She collapsed in one of the spare seats and buried her head in her hands, feeling the tears start again. “I just… why is this happening? I just…” She looked up, her eyes red rimmed. “I just wanted to get through this season with no incidents and of course this is happening.”

“Hey,” Fitz said, shuffling his chair over to her, and wrapping his arm around her, her head once again finding its way to his shoulder. A place of comfort, home. “No matter what, we’re here for you, okay? And we’re going to get through this, like we’ve got through everything else.”

“Together?”

He nodded. “Together.”

And unbeknown to all of them, Aida was watching from the distance, a scowl on her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your support, I am so glad you're enjoying this! All your comments make me smile so much!


	8. Got Bubble Wrap Around My Heart

The next couple of days were hard, the media still focused on her, and what was being referred to as her ‘breakdown’, and Coulson was doing everything in his power to help try and stop it, to help try and calm the media down, but still, this was the juiciest piece of gossip that was out there at the moment, and nothing was going to stop them.

Not yet anyway.

Jemma sighed, closing the latest magazine that she was reading, not wanting to know where they had even gotten that information from. Half of it was false anyway, but the other half, it was all true. All personal stuff that she told no one, not even Fitz or Daisy.

Well… they knew some of it, not all of it, but some of it. And other pieces, it was stuff she had told her dad in private, stuff that had been sent in emails and text messages. That stuff shouldn’t be out there.

Stuff that no-one but her and the people involved should know about, but here it was out in the open. It wasn’t career ruining, not like that at all, so she didn’t have to worry about that. But still, it was a massive invasion of her privacy, and she felt so very violated that this could happen to her.

Coulson and Hunter, along with the rest of their security and legal team, had taken her phone, her laptop, her tablet, everything and where investigating it, wanting to see if any of them had been hacked, and if they had, by who then.

“Hey,” said a soft voice, the person who it belonged to sitting down in front of her. “How are you?”

Jemma looked up, finding Daisy now sitting there, her face soft and loving, full of comfort. She reached across the table, taking Jemma’s hand in one of her own, giving it a comforting squeeze. “I’ve been better.”

Daisy offered her a sad smile. “We’re going to get through this, whoever has been spreading this, and I’ll much them again, you I will.”

Jemma nodded, letting out a breath. “I just… I wish that this had all be on my own terms, all this information getting out, its wrong that it came out like this.” She looked at Daisy meeting her eyes. “I know I never talked to you about this, it’s all still pretty new to me… I just… I wasn’t ready to talk about it, not yet anyway.”

“I understand that, Jemma…” Daisy gave her hand another squeeze and Jemma looked up, meeting Daisy’s eyes for the first time during this conversation. “You don’t have to tell me everything, you know that right. You’re my friend, and as much as I love you, I know there’s things that you don’t want to tell me, because I’m the same, I have things I’ve not told you, but this here, it’s a direct invasion of your privacy.”

“I just don’t know how they got it Daisy,” she whispered, hating how soft and pathetic her voice sounded. “Not even Fitz knows about this. Not even Dad.”

“Was it just between…”

“Me and my therapist, yeah, yeah it was. So it couldn’t have been her that shared it… I don’t know… Coulson and Hunter, they have all my stuff. They think it was hacked.”

“Do you think that?”

A shrug from Jemma. “I don’t know, it’s just… I want to get to the end of it.”

“It’ll end soon, and besides, this weekend could put it all behind you. I mean, the kiss and everything, that’ll put all this behind you, as much as they love you Jemma, after Friday, they won’t care about this.”

And Jemma knew that she was right. The show as coming back this weekend, after months off the air, and it was a double bill, the first two episodes of the episode airing, and with the Theo and Ruby kiss occurring, that’s all that would be talked about for the next week, or even more.

But still, there was doubt, her stomach churning with anxiety and fear. What if it _wasn’t_ forgotten about? What if the media kept at it? She wasn’t the favourite in Hollywood, not anymore, not since she had announced that she wouldn’t be back for the final season.

There was just so much anger, so much hatred, so much disappointment, and she just wanted to stop. She had even stopped looking online, it had all gotten so much.

“Jemma? Jemma, hey, Jemma.” It was Daisy’s soft tones, her voice gentle and reassuring, bringing Jemma back to reality. She felt Daisy’s arms around her, bringing her into a hug, wrapping her close, as if trying to protect her from the world and everything horrible that resided in it. “It’s going to be okay, you know that? It’s going to be okay.”

And Jemma couldn’t even nod, burrowing her head into her friend’s shoulder, crying.

***

“Can… can I… can I talk to you?”

The three of them looked up at Aida, the taller woman standing there, a nervous smile on her face. She had a tray in her hands, as though she wanted to sit with them, something that had never happened on set before. The three of them cast glances at each other, the three of them having a silent conversation between them, and then Daisy nodded, gesturing to the extra seat at the table.

“I just…” she shook her head, as though getting rid of the question. “First, I want to apologise, I want to say sorry. I know that I’ve not been the nicest person since I’ve came here I was just… I was nervous, you guys, you all seemed to care about each other, you’re a family, and coming into this, it was hard. I just… I wanted to apologise, to start over again, is that okay?”

Everyone stared at her, as if comprehending what was happening before finally Fitz nodded, looking around the table and speaking for them. He couldn’t blame her for being nervous, for acting nervous, coming into a show after this many years, when everyone had known each other for so many years, when they had become like family. “Yeah, yeah a fresh start?”

Aida nodded, her lips pulled up into a tight smile and as Jemma focused on her, still disorientated and thrown by all that had been happening. It wasn’t that she hated Aida, she just hadn’t gotten to know the other woman, and with how she had acted around her before… it made her somewhat uncomfortable.

She hadn’t come to see Jemma after she had taken her panic attack, had avoided her for hours after until she had calmed down.

She had also told Jemma on that very first day back on set, all those weeks ago now, that she could run through Jemma’s scenes with her, the two of them could do it alone, together.

But that didn’t make her a villain, not really. She was probably leaving Jemma alone for a reason, not wanting to upset her or cause her any more distress. She was probably just being nice at the end of the day, and didn’t want to intrude on a matter that she didn’t really know about.

And there was the whole thing with the lines… Jemma had no idea why she reacted to it like she did, why she thought Aida was saying that she was bad at acting. She was just offering to help, to ensure that their scenes were the best that they could be. There was no reason for her to take it that way.

In fact, she had practiced scenes off-set before anyway, with Fitz, with Daisy, and past actors. It was no big deal at the end of the day, so she had no idea why she thought of the worst possible thing.

So ignoring her gut instincts, and hesitating for only a fraction of a second too long, she reached over the table, shaking Aida’s extended hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for taking so long to update this one, I've been making some minor changes to the plot so had to delay this one. Thanks for checking out, and I promise the next update won't take as long!


	9. I Don't Know Why But I Feel Conned

The premier aired that weekend and received the highest ratings that the show had ever received, and figures indicated that the episodes had the highest viewing numbers ever for a returning show. And so it turned out Daisy was right. Everyone stopped talking about the deep dark secrets of her past, the things she had long buried no longer talked about once the first two episodes aired. They had gotten the show trending within minutes, everyone wanting to tune to see how the show would pick up from the cliff-hanger that ended the previous season.

And once Ruby and Theo shared their kiss, social media blew up, all their feeds being filled with all that was happening, Twitter being full of nothing but screaming emojis and gif reactions to it, no one in the fandom really able to comprehend what was happening.

It was one of the things that loved about her fans, seeing just how they reacted to the episodes, just how excited and invested they were in her character and what happened to her. And just how many friendships had been formed because of the show, where age, distance, race and religion were things that didn’t matter, because they had found friends in the show they would never have found had it not been for the show.

Whenever fans tweeted to her, she always tried to reply back, but it was getting harder now, with the fanbase seemingly growing larger and larger each week. But she tried her best, her and Daisy. They, along with Fitz who they sometimes managed to get onto social media, always watched the episodes together, life tweeting with the fans, watching as their reactions played out in real time. They had been doing it since the show had started all those years ago, and would be doing it for the rest of the season.

It had started as a tradition all those years ago, when the show first aired and when people didn’t think that it would achieve much. The three of them had gathered in Jemma’s apartment, the tiny box she had called home back then, and ordered the cheapest takeaway (it had been the only thing that they could truly afford, and they had suffered the next day for it) and it had been something that they hadn’t wanted to stop, getting together to watch the episodes with a takeaway and social media, and thus the tradition had continued, occasionally more of the cast and crew, even their families sometimes joining in.

But it was going to stop one day, and that whole aspect, interacting with the fans that had kept the show running as long as it had, who had allowed them to continue doing what they loved doing so much was going to be something that she missed so much. Maybe the aspect that she would miss the most.

Because, well, she had loved acting, and to a degree, she still did, but she couldn’t keep it up anymore. She had been in the spotlight since she was a child, barely older than five. And now, here she was, giving it all up. When the news had broken, she had gotten hate, some from inspiring actresses who accused her of throwing away all that she had worked for, some even going so far as to say what she had been given on a sliver platter (that was only partly true, her mother had been in the acting business so she had had contacts and opportunities that others would not have been able to have, but that was Hollywood, that was her world of work, and it wasn’t as if people outside of this field didn’t use contacts to boost them up in the workplace), but she couldn’t keep it up. The constant press following her everywhere that she went, no time to herself when she went out shopping with Daisy or when she was back home and having a meal with family, they were there, hounding her.

She just wanted peace, so she was leaving the show, leaving Hollywood itself for a while (and she honestly wasn’t even sure she would be returning), and at this point she had more than enough money to settle down, to life the rest of her life comfortably without having to worry too much.

And though she wasn’t sure yet what was coming once she left the show, where she would end up or what she would do exactly, she was looking forward to it.

***

“There was a party?” Jemma asked, frowning at Piper who was in the midst of setting up for the next stunt. Piper, like Elena, was new to the show. As the show progressed, it became more and more stunt heavy, and it wasn’t a job that May and Mack could do alone, so they had hired more people to help them on set, like Piper and Davis. Those two helped with stunts on set, Piper being the double for her and Daisy when it was required, and Davis being the double for Fitz, who’s character was doing more and more action scenes. Though there was close to half a foot difference in height between the two of them, no one knew that Fitz had been using a stunt double until Daisy had shared a snap of the two of them on Instagram.

“You didn’t know?” Piper asked, genuine confusion in her voice. “I thought…”

“Thought what?”

“Aida told us that you weren’t come.”

“Who did she tell?” Jemma pushed, wanting to get to the bottom of the issue. Pictures of the cast, and most of the crew had came out early in the morning, and talk of a party in a prestigious downtown club that Aida had rented for the occasion, as a way to celebrate the success of the premier. And Jemma had heard nothing of it until this morning when she had woken up. Come to think of it, this was how she got all her news in life now. Through the grapevine, the media telling her what was happening when the people she loved weren’t. And it hurt. This, somehow, hurt more than having all her private intimate secrets shared without her consent.

Piper didn’t speak for a moment, as though she were scared to speak for some reason. Then she swallowed hard, not even meeting Jemma’s gaze. “She told everyone.”

“Daisy and Fitz?” Jemma asked, scared to even know what the answer could be. “Did she tell them?”

Another pause from Piper and she swallowed hard. “Yeah, she told us that you weren’t coming.” A beat where neither woman spoke for a moment. “I’m sorry Jemma, she… we didn’t know.”

Jemma shook her head. She shouldn’t be taking her anger out on Piper. Piper who barely even knew her at this point. Piper who had just been asked out for a night out and had gone out with friends to celebrate. She had done nothing wrong.

But she was still somewhat angry at Daisy and Fitz, a bitterness making itself know. It was irrational, she knew that, it had been a simple misunderstanding after all, but they had trusted Aida over her, had listened to what Aida had said and it hurt.

It hurt so much and she was trying so hard not to cry as she thanked Piper for telling her before turning on her heal, not really sure where she was going.

***

“I… we didn’t…” Fitz stuttered, unable to find the words that he was looking for after Jemma had asked him and Daisy about the party.

“And you trusted Aida?” she asked, her tone laced with hurt. “You know I enjoy going out with you guys, you know that even after everything that I can handle stuff like this. All that stuff was years ago now, and I’m not… I’m not going back there, no matter what the media think, no matter what the media say.”

“We shouldn’t have,” Daisy cut in, feeling bad now Jemma had said it like this. “But it wasn’t like we knew about the party for days. Aida, she only messaged us about an hour before. And you were at…”

“I was what?” Jemma asked as more and more of the pieces started to fall into place, as more and more of what had happened became clearer to her.

“You were at your session, with Doctor Garner, and we tried… we tried to reach out to you, but…”

“I don’t have my phone,” she finished, realising that her friends hadn’t been ignoring her, hadn’t been leaving her for Aida. It had all be a massive misunderstanding.

“I’m sorry.” Daisy whispered the apology, before leaning in her chair, wrapping her arms around Jemma and pulling her into a hug. “For everything.”

A shake of the head from Jemma. “No, it wasn’t your fault. It was just… a misunderstanding.”

“Still,” Daisy continued, just loosening her grip on Jemma now to stare at her friend. “It shouldn’t have happened. We’ll know next time, yeah?”

“Know what next time?” A voice from behind them asked, causing them all to turn around and look at who was standing there. Aida. “What have I missed?”

“This doesn’t…” Fitz began, not wanting to push the issue, not wanting to upset Jemma anymore than she already was.

“The party. I know I missed it this week, but there’s always next time, isn’t there?” Her voice was steely, void of any emotion, and she arched an eyebrow, as if daring Aida to challenge her.

The question threw Aida for a moment, though it wasn’t the most conventional question that had ever been asked. “The party? I thought after all that had happened at the convention, the news that got out that you wouldn’t want to be at something like that. That you _couldn’t_ do something like this.”

The words hit Jemma like a punch to the gut. Everyone had been tiptoeing around the issue, not wanting to say anything because it wasn’t something that they felt they had any right to talk about. But here was Aida, just talking about it, discussing it was though it were nothing and not…She shook her head, not wanting to cause any further issues but not wanting to let the matter rest.

“What I can, or cannot do,” she told Aida. “Is up for me to decide. Not anyone else.”

And to that, Aida just replied with a sickly smile. “I understand. I was just looking out for you, that’s all,” she all but hissed before turning away on her heel and walking off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long, with finishing uni and travelling, I just haven't had time to write this fic, but all being well, there should be at least one update a week for it.
> 
> Thanks for all your support with it. I am so glad you're all enjoying it!


	10. Living With Identities That Do Not Belong To Me

Ever since her confrontation with Aida, if it could even be called that, Jemma avoided the other woman, and no one blamed her, not after what had said. Jemma had also decided to stay away from the Halloween party that was being throw by Daisy that week, not wanting to take part in it. There was already too many cameras on her, she was even struggling to get to set each day, and she was just exhausted, staying out all night after an early start on set was the last thing that she honestly truly wanted. Daisy understood why, not wanting to push Jemma when she didn’t want to be pushed, though she was somewhat upset that the woman that she classed as a sister couldn’t make it. But she understood, truly she did.

“I’ll miss you there,” Daisy said, pulling the other woman into a hug as they were about to leave set. Coulson always gave them a shorter day when it was Halloween, so that they could all get ready for going downtown. The whole cast and crew often went, and there was always a fancy dress competition for who had the best outfit. It was always by an impartial judge, someone who wouldn’t just pick their friends. Daisy and Jemma often one, the two of them doing duo, even couple outfits. Though, the year the three of them had went as The Doctor, Amy and Rory from _Doctor Who_ was their favourite.  She and Fitz had played the couple, whilst Daisy had played the time traveller herself, and everyone had loved it, saying that it was the best group outfit that they had seen. It hadn’t taken long for pictures from that night to start rumours however, everyone saying that Fitz and Jemma were dating. She had to come out publicly then with Will, announce that the two of them were dating. Most of her fans were supportive, happy that she seemed happy in her relationship (and she had been at the time, she really had been, until she had known better). There were, however, those who were annoyed, angry that she wasn’t in a relationship with Fitz, the one that they had been shipping her with. But they weren’t the ones in charge of her life.

She was.

“I’ll miss you too,” Jemma replied pulling back from the hug and offering her friend a small smile. She knew what she was doing was for the best, for herself and everyone involved. And she knew that even though she wasn’t going to be on the show next year, she was still going to be invited to stuff like this, the parties that Daisy threw for any occasion that she could. Leaving the show wasn’t the end of her friendship, the things that mattered most to her, all of that wasn’t going to be lost. These friendships she had formed, they were going to last forever.

“You know I’ll be round at the weekend, we’ve a live tweet session to do, and you know what happens this week?” She flicked an eyebrow up, suggestive and teasing. Of course she knew what was happening that week in the episode. It was the episode where her and Fitz’s character had sex. Nothing happened on screen, neither of them were comfortable doing a scene like that, so there was a fade to black before anything too mature happened. But the scene was there, the implication was there, and based on how the fans reacted like they did when the first kiss happened, then she could only imagine how they’d react with this scene here.

“I do,” Jemma replied, her lips curving up into a soft smile. “We can’t leave them hanging.”

Daisy offered her one last smile, before looking over her shoulder, at the parking lot. “You can go, Daisy,” Jemma told her as Daisy turned back to face her. “I know you’ve a lot to plan, and you’ve to keep up your winning streak, don’t you?”

“I do,” Daisy agreed, slinging had bag back on her shoulder so that it was comfortable. “And I’ll share the prize with you.”

“Vouchers for downtown again?”

“Oh yes.”

That was always the prize. Vouchers to the family run Italian, Penni’s Pizzeria, that they all loved. The waiting list was always at least two weeks long, and you were always guaranteed to bump into some celebrity or another in it, but it was one of their favourite place’s to eat, the two of them frequenting it so often that the staff were on their Christmas card list and vice versa.

The two women started towards the exit, Hunter pushing off the wall and joining them as they did so, remaining a few steps behind until Daisy left to get her own car home.

“Ready to go?” he asked, arms crossed against his chest as he tried to remain passive. Jemma knew why, this whole situation was annoying her too, the need for extra security around her. It was getting harder to go anyway as the season progressed. Even the security in her building had increased, and no matter how many muffins she made, the guilt just didn’t go away.

She cast once last glance over her own shoulder before nodding. “Yeah, yeah let’s go.”

***

“Fitz? What are you doing here?” she asked, as he brushed into the room, pizza boxes pilled high in his arms. “I thought you were…

“At Daisy’s party?” he asked, setting them down on her coffee table, flicking the lids open so the soft aroma wafted through the room. “Nah, not tonight. I thought that I should come here, spend the time with you. Since you weren’t going.”

“Pesto, no,” Jemma said, changing the topic as she watched as her dog climbed up on the sofa, sniffing at the boxes and the food that she wanted so desperately. Then she turned back to her friend, the one who she had a crush on, a crush that she couldn’t get rid of, no matter how hard she tried. In fact, it seemed to grow more and more intense each day. The fact that their on-screen romance was getting more and more intense, growing with each passing episode. They were kissing more and more, and though she knew that she shouldn’t, though she knew that it was wrong, she was enjoying it, his lips dancing across hers, being in his embrace.

She enjoyed it and she hated that she enjoyed it.

Fitz lifted the dog into his arms, rubbing at her belly, cooing. “And you don’t have to tell me that I didn’t have to do this,” he told her, meeting her eyes. “I wanted to do this.”

“B rated horror movies, pizza and wine?” she asked, already making her way to the fridge to grab the bottle that she knew that was there. It was always their approach at this time of year, and many other times in the year. They would have a film night in the other’s apartment with cheap pizza and wine, and some super bad horror films, usually the ones with the lowest ratings. It was a long running tradition that neither of them wanted to end.

He nodded his agreement. “B rated horror films, pizza and wine.” He set Pesto down, who seemed indignant at the move, running around his ankles and giving small yaps as she did so, before collapsing in his seat and turning Netflix on, the move second nature to him, her apartment his second home. He had just leaned back, relaxing after grabbing a slice of pizza for himself when Pesto jumped into his lap, and he couldn’t even object. He was so in love with the bundle of fluff that was her dog, and she knew that it didn’t take much for him to spoil her, always cuddling up to Fitz whenever he came in the hopes that he gave her food.

Jemma rolled her eyes as she allowed the fridge door to close behind her, grabbing two glasses as she did so. She collapsed into the seat next to Fitz, leaning in close to him. He took the glasses from her after he shoved the pizza into his mouth, chewing only a couple of times before swallowing it. Jemma just rolled her eyes, opened the bottle of wine and passed him one once she had poured his.

“To us,” Jemma toasted, clinking her glass against his, glad that she had a friend as loving and supportive as him.

***

“ _And Simmons’ performance as the ill-fated Elizabeth, who meets her tragic and gruesome end at the hands of her tormentor is one of the best performances in the entire film, and maybe, excluding the critically-acclaimed show ‘_ The Fourth Dimension’ _in which she plays the lead character Ruby Greene, ‘_ Death in Room 084’ _may be Simmons’ best performance to date,_ ” Daisy concluded, setting the paper down, and smiling up at Jemma in the canteen, the latter’s cheeks burning a bright red as she got all the praise.

She had been receiving it all week, praise for the film she had spent all of the previous summer making finally being released. It was a straight to Netflix release, having come out on Halloween itself so not a lot of people thought it would do well, but it was one of the highest streamed movies that weekend, and was currently the highest rated horror film on the website, and had 8.7 stars out of 10 on IMDb. But despite all of this, she still was in shock, an odd state of numbness. She had tried mentioning earlier that it wasn’t her best performance, at least in her mind, and that everyone was just being nice, saying this to her, but hearing that review from Nick Fury, one of the harshest critics out there, it made her believe maybe she hadn’t been as bad as she thought she was.

“See,” Daisy said, bumping her with her shoulder. “Everyone loves you.”

Jemma nodded, still in a state of awe. The words that Fitz and Daisy continued to speak flittered over her head, she was simply lost in her own mind, enjoying the moment, taking in everything. The cast and crew grabbing breakfast from the counter, everyone from them, the shows biggest stars, to the cleaners, some of who had just finished their shift whereas others were about to start theirs. Everyone was mingling, chattering away, having fun and enjoying life.

The way it should be.

A tap on her shoulder caused her to look up and she saw Coulson standing there, an easy smile on his face as he beamed down at her. “I saw your film,” he told her and she felt her cheeks once again burn with embarrassment.

“And?” she asked, not really sure if she wanted the answer. Coulson was showrunner, the one everyone wanted to impress the most, more than fans, more than the critics. He was the one who had hired her all those years ago when she didn’t think that she deserved it. He was the one who passed on recommendations, helped her get more and more jobs that she may not have otherwise have gotten.

He had been the one who had let her take the time off, helped deal with the dress after her grandfather had died three years ago, had been the one who ensure that she, Daisy and Fitz had been able to attend the funeral with her.

They had grown close over the years, he had become like family to her.

“Is there really anything to say?” he asked, his expression softening even more, though she didn’t even think that was possible. “After all that’s been said?” A pause, a beat lingering in the room, and it was as if it were only the two of them in the room, everyone else fading away. “It was amazing Jemma, I don’t think there’s ever been a horror film that made me cry as much as that one did. I didn’t even think it were possible for a horror film to make me cry like this one did.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, at a loss for words as Coulson squeezed her shoulder, telling her he would see her later on set, he had matters to attend to, and as he left the room, Jemma allowed herself to come back to the present and return to reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A slightly happier ending of this chapter, and I'm still teasing FitzSimmons... worry not, it will all work out soon. Thanks so much for all your support with this one, I'm so glad that you're enjoying it. Thanks for reading!


	11. I'm Sick And Tired Of All Your Preaching

The start of December brought with it the mid-season finale of _The Fourth Dimension_ , and one of the biggest cliff hangers that the show had ever done. Well, the biggest one that they had ever done that _didn’t_ involve separating Theo and Ruby. Aida’s character, Ophelia, had confronted them, and had them both in the palm of her hand, threatening Ruby with death if Theo didn’t conform to what she wanted, was torturing Ruby until Theo complied. Of course, Ruby begged him not to, to let her die than give into what Ophelia wanted, even with a gun pressed to her head, with the ending of the scene having a single gunshot ringing across the room as the screen faded to black.

The reaction from fans had been one of shock and horror, and already Twitter, tumblr and Instagram was full of theories about what had happened, and how Ruby could have survived, if she did. There were a lot of theories that were completely wrong about what would happen next, but several them were close to being right, with only a few key ideas that were wrong.

The critics loved it, saying that it was one of the best episodes of the series, and the best mid-season finales that the show had ever done. There was high praise for the scene with the three of them, the intensity of it causing many fans to be one the edge of their seats, not sure what was going to happen next, and if everyone was going to come out alive and in one piece.

But it was the scene between Fitz and Aida that was the one that won best scene of the week in multiple online magazines. The one where Theo thought it was Jemma in the room with him, where he came out of the bathroom in his bunk only to find the woman that he loved was no longer in the bed, the sheets stained with blood where she had been only moments ago. He had found another figure there, lounging in the chair and looking through a pile of photos she had spread across the desk. It was that scene when Theo found out Ruby was gone and that he had to give into Ophelia’s demands, or else Ruby would die, just like how Ophelia’s own family did. It was a symbolic scene, one that showed Ophelia was more than a ghost now, a shadow of a person. It showed that she was real, and she was dangerous, and she was out for blood. Out for revenge. Out for Ruby.

It was an intense scene, one that was full of emotion.

Normally, for scenes like that, it was always her and Fitz that were mentioned in the articles like that, that were classed as performers of the week, something that Fitz always tried to brush off as though it were nothing. He was someone who never thought he was worthy of the recognition that he got, who always thought that he was not as good an actor as he was.

“I don’t know why you always try and deny it,” Jemma said, rolling her eyes as she grabbed another sausage roll for her plate. “You’re the best actor on the show. You know that the fans love you. You’re their favourite.”

He scoffed, reaching once more for the pretzels.  It was the Christmas party, a way for them to celebrate the end of the year. The whole of the cast and the crew were gathered there, everyone mingling and talking, enjoying themselves before the took a number of weeks off, the season not filming until a few weeks into the new year.

“It’s true,” Daisy confirmed, nodding in agreement. “How else are you gonna explain are the fans who have your face plastered all over their clothes?”

Fitz just shook his head, as if unable to believe that this is where life had lead him. As if this was something that he had never imagined would happen to him. But he wasn’t ungrateful, he was never ungrateful. He knew how much he meant to the fans, and despite the fact that he wasn’t active on social media, and often avoided tending conventions and similar events, he was always thanking them when he did go, making sure that everyone who wanted a photo with him and everyone who wanted an autograph got that too.

Once the three of them had grabbed the food that they had wanted, and the drinks that they had wanted, they flitted through the party, talking to the rest of their friends, the people who had become a family to them over the years. It was full of laughter and good times, everyone using the microphone and speakers that had been set up to thank everyone else for all the hard work that had been used to make the episodes this year.

It was late in the afternoon when they all headed out, Hunter waiting for her as there seemed a group of press that had broken into the set somehow. He was ready to take her to the waiting car, to get her to the safety of her apartment. She was heading back to her apartment that night before flying back to England the next morning to spend the Christmas period with her family, but at this point in time, even getting to her car would be an achievement, the journalists on the lot shouting demands at her. Questions that they wanted the answer to, and they didn’t even seem concerned that security were attempting to push them back. All they wanted was the juiciest scoop.

“Jemma!” one of them cried as she was about to climb into the car. “How do you feel about Aida and Fitz winning the best scene of the week, opposed to you and Fitz?” She froze at the question, wondering what this was about. Where they implying that she was annoyed or upset that she hadn’t won this week? Where they trying to cause more drama on set? The teen online magazines were already reporting about her and Aida, about how they spend little time together off set, that they hardly hangout, and that an inside source reports that there are tensions between the two of them. Coulson was already on that, working out who was spreading rumours from the inside. Of course, that happened each season, but never to this extend, where one of the cast members felt unsafe, where they were unsafe.

“Let me,” Jemma whispered, resting her hand on his shoulder and taking a step forward. She wanted to tell the press something, wanted to stop the rumours that were spreading. She took a breath, to calm herself, to compose herself. “You want to know what I think about Aida and Fitz? I hold no anger, no disappointment, I’m proud of them. We all are. Everyone’s happy for them. It was such an intense scene to film, a scene I cried at from behind the cameras. And Aida… she doesn’t… what the tabloids are saying, it’s not the truth. She’s an amazing actress, and she deserves all the praise and recognition that she’s getting. And that’s all I have to say.”

***

Christmas was one of the only times of year that she got to go home to see her family now, and she hated being so far away from them, especially with how much her work kept her in America. They understood, having been back and forth to America themselves ever since Jemma started getting roles there when she was no older than six. But it was worse now that her elder sister, Charlotte, had her daughters, a five year old and a one year old who Jemma loved with all of her heart and more. But she never got to see her, and spending time with them was hard, when the paparazzi tracked her every move.

The paparazzi. The words she told them on the last day of the set soon spread everywhere, confusing everyone. They all tended to believe the rumours that had been spread, the ones about her and Aida not liking each other. And there was a spec of truth to them, her and Aida were not the best of friends, they never spent any time together off set, never where seen together like how her and Daisy were. And neither of them denied the rumours, the two women keeping their mouths shut when it came to it, the both of them silently agreeing that that would be in their best interests.

But all of that was gone from her mind now that she was home, back with her family where she as going to be staying for the next number of weeks. She always spent Christmas with them, and it was one of her favourite times of years, when she got to have a few weeks away from the life of that she lived, and simply spend it with the people that mattered the most to her. Even if it did mean that Clara, Charlotte’s eldest woke her up by jumping on her bed and shouting that Santa had been there, with this year being no exception.

The rest of the day passed like it normally did, presents being opened in the morning, a massive lunch with all the family and a walk in the afternoon whilst some of the older relatives slept and watched the Queen’s Speech. It was a day that passed quickly, full of laughter and family and happiness, and Jemma loved it, loved spending time with them, despite how the day left her drained and tired and she headed to bed in the early evening, not long after Charlotte left to go back to her own house.

And the first thing that she did was phone Fitz. The two of them spend the Christmas period about, and wouldn’t be seeing each other until after the New Year, when she went up to see him for the last week before travelling back to America with him.

“Fitz?” she asked, as soon he answered the phone, a warmth filling her, spreading through her from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. “Hi. How are you?”

“ _I’m fine_ ,” came his voice from down the other end of the line. His family was much smaller than hers, it was always him and his mum that were together at Christmas, and he often took the two of them away for the week. Usually it was a cruise, or some fantastic location around the world but this year, the two of them had just went to Edinburgh. Somewhere close to home but somewhere that Violet hadn’t been so long. “ _Edinburgh’s amazing, we’re going to have to go when you come up._ ”

“So you’re mum is enjoying it then?”

“ _Yeah, yeah, she’s been asking after you. She misses you_.”

“She does?”

Fitz scoffed at this. “ _Of course she does, why wouldn’t she_?” And once she answered his question, the two of them got talking, spending hours on the phone, and it was close to midnight before either of them felt willing to hang up.

“ _I have to go_ ,” he told her, holding back a yawn as he did so. “ _But I’ll see you soon?_ ”

“Of course, I’ll see you soon. And Fitz…” She stopped, no longer wanting to say the words that hung on the tip of her tongue.

“ _Jemma?_ ”

She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll see you soon. I’m glad, I’m glad you had a nice Christmas.”

“Ye _ah, yeah me too. And I’ll see you then. At the station, yeah?_ ”

“Yeah, I’ll see you then. Enjoy the New Year.”

“You too,” he told her, and with that, they hung, the line going dead. She hated that she wasn’t able to tell him how she felt, the words never leaving her, her true feelings about him remaining a secret only she knew.

Everyone told her that she should tell him, that he liked her that way too, he was just too shy to admit it also. But she knew that couldn’t be true. He didn’t like her like that. He couldn’t.

“I love you,” she whispered to the silence, testing the words out loud, wanting to hear how they sounded when she said them. No one else heard them, no one else would and they were swallowed by the darkness.

“I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for checking out. I am so glad you guys are all loving this!


	12. I've Lived A Lot Of Different Lives (Been Different People Many Times)

The rest of the Christmas holidays passed by far too quickly for Jemma’s liking, her short break to Edinburgh with Fitz being the highlight of her trip, but she loved going back to his house for the last few days. His family home in Glasgow was one of her favourite places on Earth, Pesto loving it too, but it may have also been how much free food she got there.

Fit’s home was so different from her own one. It was a small cottage, just on the outskirts of the city. It had three bedroom, one for Violet and two for guests. Well, one was really Fitz’s, his childhood bedroom. Violet could never bring herself to change it, her son was the most important person to her as for years all they had was just each other. They were a team, having each other’s back no matter what, and whilst Jemma was close to her own family, she never had this relationship with her own family. She had been in the spotlight for years, ever since she was five years old. Her own mother had been in the acting business, and it didn’t take Jemma long to decide that she wanted to follow in her mother’s footsteps. There had been some oohing and ahhing from her parents about it, neither of them sure that this was the right thing for some one so young to be doing, but Jemma had been adamant, and though she had started of doing only locally filmed television shows, her career soon took off and she became the household name she was now. But that all had came at a price. It meant that she spent a lot of her years travelling, unable to see as much of her family as she wanted to, missing many keys moments she knew she would never get back. It was something that she hated, making her regret her choice of career in life.

She just wished that once she left this life, she would be able to see the rest of the key moments in her life. With her parents, with her nieces, and maybe one day, her own children.

“Jemma?” Fitz’s voice asked from the seat beside her. There was a low rumble of engines below them as they were half way across the Atlantic, flying back to America to finish the last episodes of the series. “Are you okay?”

She frowned, wondering what was happening. She had been in her daydream and hadn’t been paying much attention to her surroundings and all that was going on. Her crossword puzzle book lay open on her lap, the puzzle half complete. “What?” She looked at him, worried that there was something wrong.

“Are you okay?” he asked again, trying to keep the worry out of his voice. He had picked up on her… he had noticed something different about her in recent weeks, about how she seemed more different, as though she were nervous, cautious about returning to the set, and Fitz, well, he couldn’t blame her. He, along with so many others, knew that her relationship with Aida was one that was strained, and whilst everyone had hoped that they would come to resolve their differences, they hadn’t. And that only made tensions rise on set, everyone waiting for the next argument to happen. Though none had happened since the argument that occurred after Halloween, and the women were avoiding each other, there was something big that was building up, and everyone was worried that there was something massive brewing, that there was something explosive waiting to happen.

“Yeah,” she sighed, closing her book, clipping her pen to the front cover and stashing it in the pocket in front of her. “Yeah, I’m okay.” She sighed, one that wasn’t one of sadness, but one that wasn’t one of content either. Her head came to rest on his shoulder, and her eyes fluttered shut, and she drifted off gently to sleep as they continued their journey back to the States.

***

“And the winner for Best Actress in a Science Fiction or Fantasy Series is… Jemma Simmons!”

The boom of applause echoed around her, and it took her a moment to realise what had happened, what was going on. It wasn’t until Daisy shook her shoulder that she realised that it was all for her, that they were cheering for her. That she had won the award.

She pushed back her chair and stood, making her way to the stage, the bright white of the spotlight following her. And not even a minute later, she was on stage, shaking hands and accepting her award, taking her place at the podium. She was looking out at everyone, and she couldn’t help but squint at them. The lights, they were too bright, and she couldn’t make out the faces that were in the audience. Fitz. Daisy. She couldn’t see them. The bright red dots of the rolling cameras, they flashed in the sea of white and she knew that she had to say something.

Of course, she came prepared. She had her speech written weeks ago, as soon as she found out that she was nominated, and she knew that she didn’t have long to speak, so she had to get to it, and fast.

“Well,” she began, trying to remember the words that she had planned to say. “I wasn’t… I wasn’t expecting this, winning this. When I was up against the likes of everyone else.” She shook her head, laughing at what she was saying. “But winning this, I feel like I don’t deserve this, that my performance as Ruby, it’s something that I loved for so many years now, and I know that so many people have benefitted because of the show, because of what I do. That I have inspired them, that I have helped them with whatever is happening in their lives, and to hear that, it means the world to me. To know that something I’m doing is helping others around the world, it’s the best thing to hear. But the fans, they mean so much to me. They’re the ones who got the show to run for as long as it has, they’re the ones who have supported it, who helped to get to where that it is now. And whether they’ve been watching from day one, or from yesterday, I just want to thank them for everything that they do, for all the support that they show. It’s… they’re the ones who allowed this to happen, and I don’t ever think that I can thank them enough for that.” She paused as the cameras flashed before continuing. “And there’s so many others that I want to thank for this. My amazing co-workers on the show, everyone who’s ever been involved. It’s you who make the show, all I do is stand around and read the lines. You guys, you write it, you film it, you edit it. You make it what it is. Fitz, Daisy, you two are the best friends that anyone could ever ask for, thank you for that, for sticking with me all these years. And finally, to my family for supporting me, no matter what. I love you all.”

She smiled once more for the camera, before making her way from the stage and back to their table.

***

The morning after the night before was never one of Jemma’s favourite things. The hangover that she had at the moment was a killer, and she didn’t want to move from her bed, the fort of blankets and pillows that she had constructed late last night, well, earlier that morning when she had stumbled back to her apartment after her, Daisy and a handful of others had headed to The Boiler Room, one of the quieter clubs, of the beaten track.

She hadn’t been sure that she was going to go, but in the end, she had decided that she was going to. It didn’t matter what Aida was there. She couldn’t let the woman ruin her life, stop her from doing all the things that she loved, stop her from spending time with her friends. If Aida had an issue with that, well, that wasn’t Jemma’s voice. Fitz, Daisy, they were her friends, and Aida could just deal with that. This was their night, their chance to celebrate the wins and the awards as it wasn't just Jemma who had won. The whole show had came away with a dozen awards, the most a show has ever won in one year. So yeah, they went out to celebrate, they got drunk. 

And despite the hangover, it wasn’t something that she regretted. Being able to let go of everything that had been piling up the past few months, the weight of the world that had been resting on her shoulders, it was enjoyable. It was truly lively getting some time to spend with her friends and just forget everything else, to kick back and have a good time with those who were the most important to her.

Finally, she managed to drag herself out of bed, grabbing her phone from her bedside table as she headed towards the kitchen for a glass of water and some painkillers. She fumbled with the buttons, wincing at the brightness of her screen and what she saw when she unlocked it cause her to nearly drop her phone.

Her name was everywhere in the notifications, and the words that she dreaded following it. The words she had feared for so long would follow her name finally following it. She swallowed hard, staring at her phone, at the words, before clicking on the link, and there it was. The pictures that accompanied the words, out on the Internet for everyone to see.

The images that she had buried, the images that had been locked away, hidden behind layer after layer of protection, so many firewalls that she had no idea how someone would even begin to try to gain access to them. The image she always dreaded would one day resurface despite countless reassurances that they would not.

And here they were, out there on the Internet for everyone to see, and she knew now that this, whatever this even was, wasn’t going to go away easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was more of a filler chapter, leading up to the final handful of chapters, but I really hoped that you enjoyed it. Thanks so much for all your love and support, it means so much to me


	13. My Heart Is Nuclear (Love Is All That I Feel)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Substance Abuse
> 
> Apologies for taking so long to post this chapter. The past couple of weeks have been super draining on me.Several things happened to me, including my bank account being hacked and my bank not solving it, and I've been working extra shifts. But I still very much love this au and am determined to get it finished by the end of summer. Thank you for sticking with me and for all the love. It means the world to me.

Thankfully, the crew had been prepared for the backlash that had come since the pictures had made their way to becoming known by everyone around the world. She hadn’t even finished getting changed when Hunter knocked on the door.

“Come in,” she had called, still huddled on her bed, her blouse on, half buttoned and her pyjama bottoms still on. Pesto was sniffing around her feet, anxious about her owner, who didn’t even look up when Hunter came into the room. “They know,” she whispered, voice cracking as another wave of tears and sobs overcame her. “They know everything.”

“I know,” was the only words that Hunter could say, not really knowing what to say in this situation. He had never seen these images before, had never known this part of Jemma’s past. She had kept it secret and for good reason. And now, he and Coulson were working over time now, trying to find the source of the hacks. They had narrowed the location down, someone on set was doing it, and now that they knew that, everyone was being questioned, their phones being searched by the local police department in an attempt to work out who had leaked these photos and all of Jemma’s other private information. “But we’re going to work this out.”

“How,” she whispered, her voice low and broken, as if she saw no way out of this. And from her point of view, there was no way out of it. “How are we going to solve this?” Her breaths were shaking as she tried to calm herself, her sobs wet and heavy and it tore at his heart strings. Jemma had the biggest heart of anyone that he knew, she was the least deserving of this. But it had happened and all she wanted was for it to be over, for it to go away.

And despite how much he hated it, he had no answer for her, no solution for how to fix this whole situation. Lying wasn’t an option, he wasn’t going to lie to her, not now. But he didn’t know the answer to his question. He didn’t know how to fix this situation, not matter how much he wanted to. After a number of moments, and one heavy sigh, he finally spoke. “I don’t know Jemma, I really don’t. But we’re going to fix this, I promise you that we’re gonna fix this.”

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, holding her close and she only sunk further into his embrace, her head burying itself into his shoulder, the tears once again flowing, her body shaking with sobs.

***  
She was only on set for an hour before Coulson called her into his office, Hunter coming to collect her and taking her to the room that they always used for table reads. Except the atmosphere wasn’t one like the one whenever they read the scripts, when the whole cast, the writers and producers where there, where there was an electric air of excitement, where everyone was looking forward to seeing what was coming next.

No, the atmosphere today was tense, and Jemma froze in the doorway, not wanting to enter the room. Coulson was there, May too (for what reason, Jemma was unsure, but she was there) with a handful of members of the PR team. Hunter had already taken a seat, looking at the booklet that had been set out. He flicked through them, his eyes scanning the pages frantically.

“It’s all true,” she said after sitting down, after feeling all eyes on her. No one had yet asked her whether or not the images where true, whether they had been staged or not, but she had to say this, she had to be clear what was going on. “All those images, from all those years ago, they’re all true.”

“So you had…” Coulson began, unsure had to even begin to speak about the topic. It was so sensitive, such a big and deep issue that even he was nervous to talk about because he didn’t want to upset Jemma, cause her any further distress. Because he knew that the topic was one that Jemma had kept to herself, not even Fitz knew about it. So now that it was out there for everyone to see, it wasn’t going to be something that was easy to talk about. Especially since this all occurred without her consent.

 “A substance abuse issue?” A pause as she took a breath, trying to compose herself. What she was about to say, she hadn’t talked about to anyone except her father, her therapist. Even Fitz didn’t know about this. She had never told him about this because she didn’t know how. “I did. When I was younger, a few years before I was hired here. It was…” she shook her head, not wanting to relive the memories. She had gotten over it, she hadn’t touched anything in years, but she still hated talking about it, bringing the issue to light after all these years. Instead, she turned her attention to the booklet, flicking through it, but not really reading the words there. “So what do we do? How do we fix this? All of this?”

“We can’t get rid of the images,” May answered, looking around the room. No one else was speaking, and it was clear now that despite the fact May was only the stunt co-ordinator, she was here because she _knew_ Hollywood. She had been an actress before a knee injury, and after years of therapy, she was back on set but behind the scenes. But she knew Hollywood, and how it was.

“And we can’t ignore them,” Coulson continued. “So we’re gonna meet them head on. It’s the only thing that we can do. And we’re going to do it on our terms which means,” he paused, looking directly at Jemma, something that only made her squirm in her chair. She had always considered Coulson a friend, someone whom she could trust but there was something different about him today. “No talking to anyone yet. We’re arranging a conference for you to speak about it on Thursday, to say what really happened and to clear the air about everything that has happened. What you’ve been through, who you are now.”

The whole thing rushed through her mind. She knew that what Coulson was saying was making sense, that the team probably had her whole speech ore “I…” she began saying, stumbling over her words. “I can’t…”

“Jemma,” his voice softened when he spoke this time. “This is the only way, you know that right?”

“Okay,” she sighed, knowing that this might be the only way to help to clean her image, to help put an end to all that was happening. It would be hard, one of the hardest things she would ever do but she knew that she had to do it. She _had_ to. “I’ll do it.”

***

The day finally, thankfully ended, and Jemma could return home. Of course, leaving the lot would prove somewhat difficult. The paparazzi had stormed the set, overwhelming security. It had taken them nearly an hour to get out; Hunter, Fitz and Daisy all helping her get to the car that day. Questions had been shouted at her, all of which she ignored. She hadn’t come forward about the pictures, she didn’t admit to the fact that she had once had a substance abuse issue. Coulson and the team had told her not to step forward about it, to speak so publicly.

But that didn’t stop everyone trying to get it out of her.

The whole day had exhausted her, if she was going to be honest. And it wasn’t just the pictures that had drained her. They were filming the last few episodes of the show now, and things with Ophelia were reaching boiling point. And there was drama between Ruby and Theo, her and Fitz’s character, a secret that Ruby had been hiding finally coming out.

“You’re ill?” he had asked, his voice breaking, his blue eyes teary, something that made her heartbreak in real life. His acting, it was beyond belief, and she always found the that tears she shed during these scenes were real.

She had nodded in response, dropping her gaze and turning away from him. She couldn’t face him, not after all they’ve been through, not after all she had done.

“Why?” he begged, wanting to know why she had gotten ill, when it had happened. “Why didn’t you tell me? I thought you trusted me? I thought you…”

“How could I tell you?” she whispered, her voice low, the very definition of heartbroken. “That I’m ill? That I don’t know if there’s a cure to this? Because I love you. I always have loved you, and I always will love you.” She had turned back to him at this point, meeting his eyes.

There had been a pause, the two of them starring at each other, neither of them speaking until he had stepped forward, closing the distance between the two of them. The kiss had been slow and tender, like all their other kisses had been that season but this one more meaningful. It was full of a fear that they could lose each other, full of worry and anxiety and every other emotion related to that. It was almost like it was a goodbye kiss.

“We’re going to do this,” he whispered to her, his voice low, his breath hot on her face once they had broken apart, his hand caressing the side of her cheek. “Like we do everything else.”

“Together.”

They had cut the scene after that, everyone in awe about how perfectly they had acted it. Coulson had even said that they didn’t need to do it again, that it was perfect the way that it was, and fans were guaranteed to love it. They had shot a handful of more scenes, some of the more action scenes that the show had to offer, then they had called it a day, and Jemma had begun her attempt to get home.

Now that she was, she collapsed on the bed, Pesto jumping up to lie beside her. She started licking Jemma’s face, short frantic licks that obviously signified that she wanted something. “Hey,” Jemma whispered., reaching up and scratching at the dog’s ears. “You hungry? Do you want your dinner?”

Pesto jumped down from the bed and ran to the door, standing by it and wagging her tail until Jemma got up and followed, Pesto leading her to the kitchen. There was an excited pitter pattering of feet as Pesto danced around the kitchen as Jemma reached for the bag and began to fill her bowl.

When she had finished, standing up once again, a buzzing sound caught her attention. Jemma turned to where the noise was and saw that it was her phone, the screen lighting up as a call came through.

She grabbed the phone that she had been using in recent weeks, which lay buzzing on the counter, she grabbed it and before she could even say hello, someone else was speaking.

“ _Jemma_?” came Coulson’s voice from down the phone. “ _We found out who did it. Who released the photos.”_


	14. Tired Image Of A Star

She was with Coulson only an hour later, having demanded that she find out that night who had released the images, and Coulson had not objected to it. Hunter had joined them and had offered to phone Fitz to see if Jemma would want him to come, for support, someone to lean on but Jemma had declined, saying that she wanted to do this with just the three of them.

“Are you ready for this?” Coulson asked, his tone more serious than she had ever heard him. The tone, as heavy and as serious as it was, was also full of concern, worry about Jemma evident. His office was also such a different place at 11pm, the sky outside the window a dark inky blue, the lights of the city blocking out any stars that may be hanging in the sky.

Jemma took in a breath, a shaking breath before looking at Hunter. He reached over, giving her leg a reassuring squeeze. A show of support, telling her that whatever came next, he was there. Hunter knew, he had been the one working on this, so this gesture only confirmed that whoever it was that leaked the images… that this was bad. She took another breath, a moment to compose herself then nodded. “I’m ready.”

“We managed to find out who leaked this, its all be verified, multiple times so that this is who released the images. Jemma, it was Aida.”

There was a pause, a beat, as Jemma comprehended what was happening.

“Aida…” The word came out as a whispered breath. Aida. She had been the ones to help get those pictures out, she had been the one who had tried to ruin Jemma’s life. It was almost too much to comprehend. It was almost unreal to think, that someone she had worked with over all these months, someone like Aida could release the photos. “Aida…” was all that she could say, repeating the name again.

“Yeah, she had an inside contact with the paper who originally took those photos, paid them off. They had issues with the company that had recently fired them and wanted revenge, wanted to make an article exposing one of Hollywood’s biggest name and that happened…”

“To be me.”

Aida…

She hadn’t expected that.

She would never have expected that.

She could understand maybe why the journalist was involved but not Aida. She knew that Aida never liked her but she never thought that this would have happened. She never once thought Aida would release her personal information, a personal secret that not even Fitz knew. It made her sick to the stomach.

“Why?” was the only thing that she could stammer out, not even able to reach for the document

“We think… you’re successful Jemma. And Aida, she wanted to make her way in Hollywood. She joined one of the most popular shows in recent years and…”

“Are you saying that…” Jemma took in Coulson’s words, her brain slowly processing it. But it couldn’t be true. It could not be true.

“We think Aida did it to try and ruin your career.”

“But why now?” It was Hunter who asked the question. “Jemma’s leaving. She’s not going to be in anything for the next number of years so why?”

“Maybe so that she became a disgrace. Maybe to direct all the attention to herself, her motives, we’re unsure of but we can work that out. Jemma, the next step is pressing charge, to take this a step further. Because what Aida did, it’s illegal and we can make sure nothing like this ever happens again.”

“What do I have to do?”

Hunter reached for the documents, flicking open the manila cover and nodded down at the sheets of paper that were there. “Just read that. It’s the plan for what we wanna do, how we’re going to proceed with this. But we can’t move forward without your consent. So what we need now, is for you to read it and sign on the dotted line.”

She read through the documents, once, twice then a third time to be safe, and there was nothing that she wanted to argue in it, she agreed with everything in it.

So she signed on the dotted line, bringing about the beginning of the end of this living hell.

***

As the weeks passed, and Jemma did her press conference, announcing why she had done what she had in her life, the interest surrounding her soon died down. They had accepted her speech, understanding that she was still only nineteen when it had happened, and that she wasn’t the first young person in the world to do drugs, and she wouldn’t be the last.

They also understood that she had been in Hollywood for most of her life, that the pressure had been too much at that point in her life.

And anyway, it was Hollywood, interest in what she had done in her past was fading anyway. It wasn’t interesting anymore, there were things that had taken people’s interest, such as the jet skiing Labrador.

Another thing that had taken the interest of the public was the fact that Aida had been fired from the show, her character killed off a number of episodes before she should have been. It had created such an issue for the show when it had been revealed that she had been the one to leak the pictures, that she had been the one who had caused so much distress over the past number of months to Jemma. They had no idea where to take the show, what to do with the plot now that this had all occurred. This and so much more.

She had been arrested as soon as they had found out that it had been her, all her technology confiscated to see just how far the issue was. She was currently awaiting trial, and Jemma knew with the resources and power that she had, through the show, through her friends, that whatever the outcome was, it would be something that she more than deserved.

In the end, to kill of Ophelia, all it had taken was some clever editing, reshoots and rewrites. It was all so frantic, changing the course that the show was going to take, the focus no longer on Ophelia but instead on Ruby and her quest along with Skye and Theo to beat the virus, the infection that was slowly tearing her cells apart, after Ophelia had been crushed in a falling building (something that she was supposed to have survived without anyone knowing until a number of episodes late) but they had managed to get it done. Everyone understood the changes, enjoying the new, and sudden direction that the show was going in, a focus on the three friends. Everyone was invested in their quest to see if they would find the cure that would ensure that Ruby would be okay.

And life on set, it became easier. It became so much easier now that Aida was gone, the tension that hung in the air had evaporated, gone as though they had never existed. Her friendship with Daisy and Fitz became what it was, no one worrying anymore about Aida being there, on the edges, forcing her way in at the expense of Jemma.

Of course, there was still that fluttering in her stomach every time that she was with Fitz, every time they filmed a scene with the two of them kissing. She still didn’t know how to come to terms with the feelings, didn’t know how to acknowledge them because they were too large and too terrifying, and she wished she didn’t have them. She wished she had never fallen in love with her best friend.

“Hey,” he asked her one morning, as they were running lines before breakfast. The two of them had a table to themselves, Daisy not needing to be on set that day. She was most likely lying in bed, sleeping and enjoying herself. “You okay?” Jemma looked up from her script, and frowned at him, unsure of what he was asking her about. She was okay, she was more than okay and she had been more than okay for the last number of weeks now that everything involving Aida and the pictures was nearly done.

“Yeah, yeah… why wouldn’t I be?”

“I was just asking.” There was a nervous undertone to his voice, as though he weren’t sure about what he was saying. “You just seemed… distant. I just wanted to make sure that you were okay.” He gave her a smile, the edges of his lips, his eyes sparkling blue in the early morning sunlight.

He wasn’t wrong. She was distancing herself from the others because she wanted to try and lessen the pain that would occur when she left. “I just… it’s leaving. It’s odd. After all these years, its coming to an end. I never… It’s just come up quite quickly with everything that’s ever happened.”

“Are you nervous?” There was a brief look of panic on his face as though he regretted the question as soon as he said it but she reached across the table, taking his hand in her own, their fingers interlacing with his own. It made her heartbeat even more frantically, but she ignored it, pushing back her own thoughts back so that she could enjoy this moment with her friend.

“I am, but I am glad because… I don’t know. I want to get away. It’s just…” She gave a nervous laugh, shaking her head. “After everything, I want a chance to start over. To find myself, the Jemma that I can be outside of here. Because there has to be more than this. It’s just…”

“It’s just scary how close it is? How soon you’re leaving?” He said exactly what she was thinking, because he always seemed to know what she was thinking. They seemed to be on the same wavelength, able to read each other’s thoughts no matter what.

“Yeah,” she agreed. “It’s terrifying.”  

Because in three weeks they would soon be filming the finale. She would be filming the final scenes of the show that had changed, and saved her life in ways that she never knew. Then she would be leaving, moving onto the next stage of her life, discovering a new part of herself. There was a part of her, deep down, that didn’t want to let go, that wanted to stay on for the final seasons, but she knew that that was because she was scared, terrified of life outside of Hollywood.

But she had her friends; her family and she was going to be able to do this.

She was.

***

“You’re killing her?” Fitz shouted, looking at the script and then to Coulson, his voice furious, his words heavy with anger. He knew that it was such a stupid thing to argue about, especially after all Jemma had went through personally during recent weeks. But having her die… No, that was something that he wasn’t prepared to do.

“Fitz, you know that Ruby is ill and her character….” Coulson tried to argue. He wanted Fitz to see reason, to see that maybe Jemma’s character dying wasn’t the worst thing ever. Jemma had yet to get back to him

“I thought… What about a happy ending? Where she gets Theo? A home? A family? After all she’s been through. What do you think… what about the… the fans!” It was a low blow, and something that he should not have said but he had to get it out there, because they wouldn’t be happy if Ruby died, dying from a virus that could be prevented. It wasn’t even a heroic sacrifice. It was a stupid virus, killing her after weeks of ravaging her body for weeks.

She was to die, lying on the ground of their ship, crying and in pain, in Theo’s arms with her last words being a whispered confession of love.

And that, to Fitz, it wasn’t what Jemma deserved after years of work, years of helping the show. She was so active on social media for it, interacted with fans, who in turn helped to keep the show going.

She didn’t deserve this.

Not after everything she did for the show.

“Can you change it… do something…”

“I can’t. We’ve already re-written so much of the show…”

“Then re-write more! It’s one scene. Have her leave, live out her days somewhere with Theo. Give them that happy ending. How is this supposed to be a rewarding ending? Isn’t that what your promising fans after everything? That you’ll give Ruby an ending that’s gonna be satisfying? Complete her story arc? How is killing her doing that? Just… change it!”

“That’s a no Fitz.” The answer from Coulson was final, there was no more arguing, nothing that Fitz could do would sway him from his position. “And that’s that.”

“Then I quit.” The words left Fitz’s mouth before he could even think about what he was saying. “Kill me next season or whatever. Have me leave in a tag but if you do this to Jemma, then I don’t want to be back on the show. Jemma, Ruby, the fans, they all deserve better.”

“Fitz… don’t…”

“No Coulson. No. Jemma has been through enough this year and now you’re doing this. No. Have you even talked to Jemma?”

“Not yet but she… you know Jemma better than anyone else. And you know that she understands. She knows what she signed on for. It’s happening Fitz and there’s nothing that can be done about it.

Cursing, Fitz turned on his heal, leaving the office and slamming the door behind him, muttering under his breath as he did so.

Hollywood, Coulson thought, sighing and rolling his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So life has been so busy the past couple of weeks as I've been working overtime every week since the beginning of August and any days I've had off, I've been seeing family or friends, or sleeping so I've had zero energy to write or do much else, but I am trying to get back into the swing of things, especially now that Uni is starting back, I need a way to relax and de-stress. Thank you so much for baring with me and my non-existent updates the past few weeks, I really hope that the next couple of weeks/months aren't like that. 
> 
> I'm so glad that you guys are enjoying this fic, we're onto the final three chapters now so things are starting to wrap up here! Thank you so much guys, it means the world to me and you are all amazing wonderful people!


	15. Lonely Hearts Club (Do You Want To Be With Somebody Like Me?)

She hadn’t read the finale script, not yet. Whenever she received a finale script, she never read it on set, she always read it at home, with a cup of tea. It had been something she had always done, and now that this was the last finale script that she would ever receive so she wanted to do what she had done every other year.

For one last time.

She got changed into a loose pair of sweatpants and a hoodie, that may or may not have been Fitz’s, whilst the water in the kettle was boiling, the stream whistling from the spout. By the time she ended her kitchen once more, and had put a tea bag in the mug, the kettle had clicked off, indicating the water had boiled. It only took her mere moments to make herself the mug; she knew how she liked it, it was second nature to her now. Once it was made, she crossed her apartment to her sofa, curling up on it, the mug on the coffee table, and Pesto jumped up, wanting nothing more than to snuggle up with her owner.

“Let’s read this, shall we?” Jemma asked, scratching at Pesto’s eyes, the dog falling asleep on her lap, and with a fluttering in her stomach, she reached for the script, opening it to the first page.

It took nearly an hour for the first read through, and she couldn’t take anything in, not that this was unusual. When it came to scripts as for episodes as large as this one, it always took her a read through or two to comprehend what was happening, and another read through to fully understand what was going to happen in the episode. So she started again, and when she got to the point where it happened, she understood what was happening to her character, she had to take a pause, and re-read the section again. Because of what was going to happen.

What was going to happen was that Ruby was to in the finale.

She was dying.

She had suspected that, of course she had over the past couple of episodes, with how Ruby’s health had been deteriorating, something that was now just being shown to the viewers…

The viewers… she hadn’t considered them. They had just found out just how ill Ruby was, and… and now she was going to die. In the finale, in her final ever episode, her character, was to die, curled up in Theo’s arms, on the floor of their ship, in pain. It was such a horrible ending, but there was something horribly poetic about it. That after everything that she had went through, after all she had suffered and fought and survived and overcame, it was in vain. Something so simple killing her after everything. And in the arms of Theo, the man that was her best friend, someone she had just realised that she loved. That she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, it was going to devastate fans all around the world.

Theo the man she had been through everything with was now going to be alone, living a life without her. His greatest fear.

Theo who was played by Fitz, who…

Theo…

Fitz.

She had to phone him, she just did, so pushing the script of her lap, she reached for her phone, and stood up, swiping to unlock it. Fitz was her first contact, the top of her speed dial list. “Come on come on come on!” she begged, pacing back and forth, the panic beginning to set in, for what reason, she was quite unsure. “Come on!” she shouted as an automated message told her that the person she was trying to call was currently unavailable. She gave a cry of frustration, wanting nothing more than to speak to him. When the tone went to indicate that she was to leave a voice message, she hung up and tried again.

For five minutes she tried calling him, and he didn’t pick up at all. It kept going straight to his answering machine, the monotone voice telling her to leave a message again and again and again.

When the door knocked, she flung the phone on the sofa, rushing to open it. It took her a moment, as she fumbled with the locks, but eventually, she was able to pull the door open, and standing there was…

“Fitz…” There was confusion in her voice. Because Fitz was standing outside her apartment, his face white as sheet, as though he had seen a ghost.

“They’re killing Ruby,” he said, his voice an odd mixture between angry and sad, as though he had been screaming and shouting, all the energy now gone. “They’re killing her.”

“I know I just…”

“I quit.” His statement cut into her own words, cutting her off and she stared at him, eyes wide, jaw slack. She tried to stutter a response, but he shook his head. “I quit Jemma, after this season, I won’t be on the show anymore.”

“Why?” she asked, confused, closing the door as he stepped into the apartment. “Why are you here?” It’s not that she didn’t want him in her apartment, but he was confusing her, his actions, it was so un-Fitz like. Closing the door, she followed him into the apartment, watching his every move, waiting for his response.

“Because…” he spun around, facing her, his face an unreadable mask. “It’s unfair, Ruby deserves so much better, and honestly I don’t want to work without you Jemma. I can’t… these past couple of years, I can’t work with anyone else. I don’t want to.”

“Why?” she asked, her turn to interrupt, her voice breaking as she asked the question, the one word. Tears threatened to fall, already clinging to her lashes. “Why did you quit? You can’t just throw away everything for me!” She hated that he was quitting because of her. He could do so much better, he could go so far, and now he was throwing all that away for her. And why? Why? Why why why why wyy? He hadn’t given her a real reason, not yet anyway.

“Why? Because I have feelings for you Jemma.” He gave a laugh at this, one that was bitter, one that was sarcastic, and it made her feel odd, if that was the best way that it could be described. It made her feel odd because it wasn’t how Fitz laughed, it wasn’t light and full of love, it wasn’t happiness. But her mind slowly pushed that thought away and out of her mind as she continued to speak. “I have feelings for you Jemma and I know that I can never… that you don’t…”

“That I don’t what?” she asked, her voice rising, because she had spent so many months now pushing down her feelings for him, thinking that he had never shared her feelings. And now, here he was, standing in front of her, telling her just how he felt about her. “Share your feelings? Because I do Fitz! I do share those feelings, and you know what, it’s not just that…” She took a breath to compose herself, and then said what she had wanted to say for so long now. “I love you Fitz. I love you.”

There was a moment of silence between the two of them, so loud that they could hear their own heartbeats, their exhales filling the room. Then Fitz stepped forward, closing the distance between the two of them in one, two three steps, and wrapped one arm around her waist, pulling her in close. His other hand came to rest on the back of her head, holding and supporting it as he dropped his own down, his lips coming to meet hers. It took her a moment to realise that he was kissing her, and when she did, she reached up and looped her arms around his neck, moved to stand on her tiptoes and sunk into the kiss.

It was so unlike any of the kisses they had shared on set. There weren’t a hundred eyes watching them, a camera rolling. No one was wanting this to be perfect, wanting it to look real. It was just the two of them lost in the moment, lost in each other.

When Fitz finally pulled away, taking a step back, a soft whimper of protest left Jemma. They both dropped their hold on one another, Jemma’s arms falling back to their sides, her fingers twitching, whilst Fitz wrung his own. “I’m sorry… I’ll just…” he turned, as though to head to the door, Jemma reaching out and grabbed his hand, spinning him back to her.

“No,” was all she whispered, before kissing him once again. “I want this, I want you.”

And without either of them really knowing what was happening, the two of them stumbled to her bedroom.

***

“So we both…” he asked, lying in her bed with her, Jemma’s head resting on his chest, her hair somewhat messy, no longer perfect. He was rubbing his hand up and down her arm, a gesture that she found so soothing.

“I guess,” she replied, her voice distant, as she took in what was happening. “How long have you…”

“Since season four. I just… With everything… And you…”

“I don’t know. Recently, I think. It’s just been a hard year, with everything that was going on.” She moved, rolling away from lying on top of him, to lie beside him, propping herself up on one arm. “But I just… I want this Fitz, don’t think that you’re second to anyone else. I just… I was scared. Relationships have never ended well for me and I guess I didn’t want to lose you too. I love you Fitz, with all my heart but first and foremost, you’re my best friend and I didn’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t,” he reassured her, cupping her cheek, and looking at her. She was just the same, she was still Jemma Simmons, but now, there was something slightly different about her. It might have been the glow that she gave, it might have been the thin layer of sweat on her face. It might also have been how relaxed she seemed, how she seemed happier in this moment than she had in the past year. Whatever it was, he couldn’t pinpoint exactly. “I won’t leave you Jemma, okay.”

It took her a moment to nod, because this was all new to her, and she knew that it was going to be new to Fitz to. She collapsed back on the bed, pulling the sheets further up. “What are we going to do about this?” Looking up at him, her eyes lashes fluttered, her brown eyes were wide as she stared up at him.

“About what?”

“This? Us?” she laughed. “Are we dating? Are we not? Because if we are, them all the attention will be on us, the next celebrity couple that they’re obsessed with. If not, then are we just two friends who kissed and had sex?”

He started coughing, choking when she mentioned sex, but managed to regain his composure. “Do you want that? To date? To be a couple?”

“I would love that” She sighed, sinking into his arms. She had imagined this so many times, dating Fitz, a life with him and not that it seemed possible, it was all very surreal. She tipped her head up, giving him a peck on the lips.

“Then how apart next Saturday, me and you. I’ll take you to the Indian downtown.” In the dim light of the bedroom, his blue eyes seemed to glow, lighting up the room, deep pools of blue that she had fallen in love with years ago, and which she knew she’d keep losing herself in even after all these years.

“The place with first met?” She knew the one he was talking about. It was the one where she and Fitz had gone out for lunch with Coulson when they were still in the process of auditioning, and the two of them had just clicked instantly. Coulson always said that he knew in that moment, that they were going to be the two leads, but neither of them had truly believed that.

And now here they were, nearly a decade later, curled up in bed together. If someone had told Jemma that all those years ago, she would never have believed them. But now here she was, and in this moment, she didn’t want to change anything. “I’d love that.”

She nodded, a soft sound of pure happiness. “That sounds wonderful Fitz.”

“I’ll get it all worked out tomorrow. Ensure that it’s as peaceful as it can be. No press or paparazzi. See if we can get that booth.”

She thanked him for that because only Fitz would do that, had done that. Go to such lengths to ensure that they were both comfortable and happy and safe. She had no idea what she had ever done to deserve him as her friend, and now, her soon-to-be if not yet boyfriend. “Then what do we do for now?” she asked after a moment, wondering what they could do now, and for the next while. The future, that was to worry about later, but she wanted to know the now, what was going to happen.

A sigh, coming from Fitz this time issued, but it wasn’t one of anger or sadness or annoyance. One that was slightly confused, and bewildered, scared about the future but excited at the same time. “I don’t know. But how about we just enjoy the moment.”

And she just nodded, feeling a gentle kiss on the top of her head, Fitz adjusting himself, and her too, so that they were both comfortable, wrapped in each other’s embrace, sharing the occasional gentle kiss, until her eyes started to flutter shut, the day finally catching up with her.

Because, as uncertain as the future was, she was going to enjoy every minute of this moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See, I told you they'd get together at the end! Thanks so much for all your support on this, your comments are all so wonderful!


	16. The Stars Are Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! I'm going to apologise for not updating a lot and for so long. Life got in the way and I really found it hard to find the time to update this chapter but I want to thank everyone who patiently waited for this update. I hope that you enjoy it!

Before either Jemma or Fitz knew it, their last day on set had come. Ruby was still dying, but Theo wasn’t. They had (begrudgingly) re-written his last scene, having him return home, well to the planet Ruby had called home, and continue their work. The work on the antivirus, the one that would have saved Ruby. Skye would continue on, travelling with the other members of the crew that they had, exploring the Universe, and helping where there could.

Getting to set that day was so bittersweet, it was going to hurt so much. The group of people that was outside was much larger than it normally was, a group of fans, with a group of paparazzi further behind. They were all wearing shirts from the show, some were in cosplay. All seemed to be shouting for them, some holding posters, some with phones. It seemed they all wanted to say goodbye to their favourite characters for the last time.

“I think they want to see us,” Jemma said, her voice low and distant as they mass broke, parting like a wave so the car could get through. “Hunter, wait stop.” The car ground to a halt, parked in the middle of the fans, some of them taking a step closer, wondering what was happening.

“Yes, you okay?” Hunter asked, leaning over to see if she was okay, his arm resting on the passenger seat as he spun around.

“We have time to take some pictures, don’t we?” Jemma asked, looking at Fitz, who was sitting closer to her than was probably necessary, but neither of them cared. One arm was wrapped around her, the other on her thigh, and her head was resting on his shoulder. Ever since they had started dating, those couple of weeks ago now, the two of them had been inseparable. Within the week, Fitz had moved in, the two of them moving quicker in their relationship than they probably should have. Not that either of them cared, the speed of the relationship only helping to strength it.

Hunter, back in the car now, turned and looked at the dashboard, at the blinking red numbers. They told him that it was 7.53, leaving the two of them nearly an hour before they even had to be on set. The two of them had left early, wanting to get in early, to say goodbye to everyone. “Yeah, yeah, you have some time.”

“That’s good,” Jemma said, her attention turning up to look at Fitz, her lips flicking up into a soft gentle smile.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked, smiling down at her as softly as she was. There was a pause between the two of them. Jemma was still some what uncomfortable around big crowds, Fitz taking her to lesser known restaurants on days that weren’t as busy, something that she really appreciated. “You don’t have to do them if you don’t want to do.”

“It’s okay, I want to go out and see them.”

“Then let’s go out and see them,” he told her, pulling the handle on the door and pushing the door open, the screams soon filling the car.

***

“And that’s a wrap!” Coulson called, his voice filling the set. Jemma opened her eyes, flicking her gaze up to Fitz. Tears were in his eyes, and in that moment, she didn’t know whether they were real or whether they were fake. They had been filming one of the final scenes of the season, well at least one of her final scenes. She didn’t make it to the halfway point of the episode; after this kiss with Fitz, she went to the lab, to work on something but collapsed, dragging the contents on the table down with her with a massive bang, which is what alerted Theo.

When he found her, it was the too late for anything to be done. She was dying, and all that he could do was hold her as she lay there, dying in his arms. And it was the hardest thing that she had ever filmed, and not just because it was her final moments in the show, the last time that the fans would ever see her.

It was so hard because of the emotions that were present in the room, just how Fitz made the scene his own. How he cried as she acted out her final lines, his low wail as he mourned her, it tugged at her heartstrings. It was so real that they had to stop and take a break before they could film the rest.

“Are you okay?” she asked him now, not wanting the tears to be real, not wanting him to be crying. She still felt guilty that Fitz was leaving the show, the two of them starting a new life together, away from this, away from Hollywood. “Are you…”

“I’m sure,” he reassured her, leaning down and pressing a kiss on her nose. “I love you.”

A smile crossed her face, one that couldn’t be helped because every time she was with him, every time they kissed, every time he told her that he loved her, it was still something that felt so unreal. That she was here with him, about to take the next step in their lives.

It was something that neither of them ever thought they would get but they were getting it. They really were.

“I love you too,” she told him, the words a whisper under her breath. Everyone knew they were dating now, it hadn’t taken long for it to come out, and for once, Jemma didn’t mind. After everything that had happened, everyone seemed to respect her privacy, they backed off (a bit) and let her and Fitz have this. Though there was some PDA that Fitz wasn’t too comfortable about, kissing in front of the cast and crew wasn’t something that was too much for him. In fact, there was something about it that he enjoyed, stealing stolen kisses with Jemma, and half the kisses in the past few episodes, ever since they had started to date where ones that had been improvised, Fitz stealing them where ever he could.

Remaining together, Jemma sank further into his embrace, her head resting against his chest. She allowed her eyes to flutter closed, to allow herself to enjoy the moment. Not that it lasted long as there was a sudden weight against her, as though someone else had joined the hug, and opening her eyes, it seemed that someone had.

Daisy had forced her way into the hug, the three of them all one big huddle and that only made Jemma start to cry. She knew that even after she left, she would see Daisy again, they weren’t going to never see each other again. But leaving her, everyone is, it was hard, and despite having tried to prepare for it for months now, it was still hard. Both her and Fitz had discussed this day for the past handful of weeks but neither of them were fully able to prepare for it.

“C’mon,” Daisy whispered, pulling out of the hug and staring at her friends, a sad smile on her face and tears on her cheeks. “We have something to show you.”

***

The lunch room had been done up for them, a banner bidding them farewell and wishing them the best hanging from the ceiling and streamers were strung up everywhere. Bouquets of balloons bopped everywhere, and there was a buffet laid out on the head table.

“You did this for us?” Jemma asked, spinning to face her friend when they walked into the room, everyone in the room smiling and waiting for them, wanting nothing more than to have one last party.

Daisy nodded, trying to keep it together for her friend, as much as she could. “We all did. It’s your last day and we wanted… we wanted to make it special.” Her voice broke on the last word, cracking as the realisation hit her. “We all love you Jemma and we want… I’ll miss you.”

It only took seconds for Jemma to throw her arms around her friend, holding her close whilst whispering that she would miss her two, no one else disturbing the moment, allowing the two of them to be there for each other.

“Now c’mon,” Daisy whispered, pulling back and giving Jemma a sad smile. “Let’s not make this day sad. Please. Let’s have some. Enjoy this day.” And Jemma nodded, knowing that she wasn’t going to deny Daisy this, deny herself this.

The party lasted for the rest of the day, even going on into the evening. There were drinks, there was dancing, there was laughs. It was the best way to spend their last day. It was heart-breaking when Daisy called her up to speak. When Daisy called her up, holding a microphone out, she froze for a moment, turning to look at Fitz, standing just behind her. He gave her a reassuring smile, and placed his hand on her shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“You can do it,” he whispered, his voice low so that only she could hear it. She replied with a nod and made her way up to where Daisy was standing, arm outstretched, microphone in hand. Taking a few slow steps, and then more and more large ones, Jemma made her way up to the front of the room, where all eyes where on her and for a moment, she was lost for words. She was terrified. Though she was used to speaking in front of large crowds, saying what needed to be said without even thinking it, all words had abandoned her at this point, and she couldn’t think of a single thing to say.

“I don’t…” she began, stubbing over the words. “I don’t know what to even say. I’ve just… I’ve been here so long, and I don’t… I think of you all as friends, as family, and leaving here, though it’s the right thing to do, it breaks my heart, because you all change my life, made it better. Made _me_ a better person and for that, I’m forever thankful. I just…” She was lost for words, had no idea what to say but she knew that they knew, that they would know the words that for now, would remain unspoken. “Thank you,” she said, her voice cracking, tears falling. “Thank you for everything.”

***

Fitz himself made a speech, not saying as much as Jemma did, due to both being unable to find the words that he wanted, and not being one that was a huge fan of speeches to begin with, but he had done it, Jemma by his side, holding his hand.

After nearly an hour of goodbyes, hugs and tears, they made their way back to the parking lot, Hunter waiting to pick them up. He had been at the party too, having slipped out just before they did but still, he pulled her into a hug when she approached, causing Jemma to start crying again. “I’m going to miss you,” he whispered into her ear.

“I know,” she replied, not wanting to let go, this moment hurting her much more than she had thought it would. “Thank you, for everything.” Because he had been with her for so long now, had been first her security guard, then her friend, then something like a brother to her.

He gave a nod, not wanting to show any emotion, not at this moment when he was trying to be strong and when he and Jemma pulled apart, he pulled Fitz into the hug. The two had always been friendly but had grown even more so over the past few weeks, having spent more and more time together, even coming around once or twice to watch the football with Fitz, bringing Chinese food and beer with him.

“You’re not going to never see us again,” Fitz mumbled, his words obscured by Hunter’s shoulder, but the other man didn’t seem to care. “You’re always around. And besides, Man U are playing Liverpool next week.”

Hunter snorted, pulling away. “You think you’re going to win? Who have won their last three matches and who hasn’t?”

Jemma, stepping back towards Fitz, leaned into his embrace. “I suppose I’ll have to put up with the two of you shouting at the screen again?” She rolled her eyes, as if she couldn’t believe the two of them. And sometimes, she really couldn’t.

Hunter, in reply to this just shook his head, muttering something about how she didn’t understand, before pulling open the back door to the car and letting Jemma and Fitz climb in, Jemma curled up to him where she was almost sitting on his lap, her head against his chest as he placed a soft kiss there.

“Ready to go home?” he asked, and she nodded because she was ready.

Ready to go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your support again! Hopefully there isn't such a long wait for the final chapter!


	17. 'Cause I Lo-lo-love You

_One and a half years later_

“Are you ready?” Fitz asked, settling down on the sofa next to Jemma, passing her a mug of tea, something she accepted with a smile, the thing spreading across her face, sparks of joy flashing in her eyes. A smile that he had grown so used to ever since they had made the move to Perthshire. It was so…

It was filled with so much joy. So much happiness.

There was a lightness about her now, an ease now that the weight of the world had been lifted from her shoulders. She was so much happier, much more at ease now that she wasn’t acting, now that she was simply enjoying life for what it was. He knew that acting was always going to be a huge and significant part of herself that would always be there, but now she was discovering other things, other parts of herself that she didn’t even know existed.

Like her love for cooking and baking, something she never really had time for when they had been living in America, with the long days, the late finishes and the early starts, but now they had all the time in the world, she had been teaching herself, making curries and chillies, bakes and risottos as well as a variety of buns and cakes, something that Fitz more than enjoyed coming home to each day. Her blueberry muffins were currently his favourite, each one soft and fluffy, stuffed with a homemade jam. He came home to them each Friday, something as a way to celebrate the end of the week, and he loved them, he loved her. He loved  _this._

It was nice, their life in Perthshire. In their cottage, away from the hustle and bustle of the city, of even the closest town. They were just on the outskirts, with a huge area of land just to themselves. away from everyone and everything. And they didn't care.

It was simple and sweet, each of them taking each day as it came. And after living there for only a few weeks, Jemma discovered that she was pregnant, something that had been a shock to them, but something they were more than excited for, after taking time to work out how they were going to deal with it.

And before either of them really knew it, Peggy had been born, Daisy being the first to visit them once the news broke that Jemma was in labour, in fact, she had gotten the first plane she could, not wanting to miss anything. It had been a late December day too when Peggy had been born, snow dancing down from the sky in thick fast flurries, conditions that had left the roads closed and dangerous. But yet, Daisy had still come.

She had also stayed in the weeks that followed, only leaving when she had to return to the States, to finish filming the last episodes of _The Fourth Dimension_ , somewhere they had been back to once or twice to visit, even going to the party for the last ever episode, because the two of them couldn’t miss that, not for the world. And a five-month old Peggy had joined them, taking the spotlight from them. She had enjoyed the attention she had received, everyone fussing and cooing over her. It had been such a nice week, being back in Hollywood, but without the stresses and the pressures that were associated with it, being able to enjoy their time there rather than having to deal with paparazzi at every corner, shouting questions and taking photographs without consent.

A stark contrast where days started after 6am, Fitz making breakfast for them just after 8 whilst Jemma got Peggy ready, before heading to the local tech repair shop he helped to run for the morning, returning home in the early afternoon to see his wife, and his daughter. Sometimes he took her to the park, sometimes he took her to see the ducks, sometimes they stayed home and played, Jemma often joining them, unless she was taking a much needed nap.

The afternoons passed like that, some the same, some different but always together, always as a family. The evenings were spent with making dinner, Jemma often sometimes trying something new or putting a twist on a classic. After that, it was bath time for Peggy, followed by a story and bedtime, before the two of them enjoyed some alone time before calling it a night.

And all of that… it was their life now. Something so simple, so ordinary compared to the extraordinary but to them, it was all they wanted and more.

They were happy, they were healthy and that’s all that mattered.

“I think I am,” Jemma replied to him, casting her gaze at the television, where an advert for some new cereal was playing, the volume on low so as not to wake their sleeping daughter, not when she decided that sleep wasn’t something she enjoyed a lot lately. “It’s odd though, that after this year there will be no more episodes.”

“Yeah,” he replied, his voice a whisper, distant as if he wasn’t paying attention but Jemma just knew that he was thinking about something. “Do you miss it?”

She shook her head. “No. I don’t. Not really. But I’m forever thankful for it. As without it, it would never have lead to this.” A soft sigh escaped her, blissful. “I love this, and I love… I love you Fitz.” Her gaze flickered up to him, his blue eyes twinkling like the ocean in the evening light. “Thank you Fitz. For everything.”

He smiled down at her, his lips coming to dance across hers, a gentle kiss occurring, one that neither of them wanted to break until they absolutely had to. “I love you too.”

And as he was about to lean in to kiss her again, a sudden noise interrupted them, the television altering them that the final season of _The Fourth Dimension_ was about to start.

“Here it goes,” Fitz whispered, content on just placing a kiss on the side of her head this time, and holding her close. Their preferred position on the sofa, curled up, two bodies as one entity. Two parts of a whole, unable to be split. Together.

The opening titles started, and Jemma curled up closer to him, her head resting on his shoulder, wondering how she got so lucky in life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was probably the hardest to write because this is one of the biggest, if not the biggest, fics I have ever written. And I am so happy that it was met with the love that it received. It took me much longer than I had hoped but everyone left such nice comments and everyone was so supportive and for that, I can't thank you enough. Every comment and kudo made me smile so so much, and maybe one day I'll return back to this 'verse.
> 
> Thank you again. For everything.


End file.
